Saturday, December 23, 2006

Suhaib Funda

This is Suhaib Iyaz.

He shared this interesting funda with me yesterday.

**************

I find mobile phone games to be wasteful. It is in fact the worst way to spend time. Because games are played so that they uplift your mood, or leave you in a better state. You win. You are happy. With mobile phones, you'll never ever reach that state. Every game (especially the SNAKE variety) leaves you with a disappointing Game Over feeling. You lose. Every time. There is no end. You keep playing and playing till you lose.

On some fruitful day, even if you manage to score well and get a amazing 13,600 as your "high score", it is no reason to be elated. Because every game after that is going to be even more unsatisfying. You just raised the standards for your loss. You'll lose even more frequently. Every game will end with a thought that haunts you - "You might have reached up to 12,000, but it definitely wasn't as good as that game."

You lose to yourself. Everytime.

**************

interesting.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Summer Placements 2006

Scenario :
300 well dressed, apprehensive, confused, bitchy first year MBA students with hollow conviction and no focus. Welcome to IIML Summer Placement 2006

(p.s : I am not supposed to bitch about this. But whatever... My batchmates out here give me no incentive to be happy or optimistic about life.)

Group Discussion :

Rule1 : There is no strategy.

Rule2 : Whatever you do, it's not going to work.

Rule3 : You think you have spoken sense. You haven't.

Rule4 : You think aggression is bad. You are wrong.

Rule5 : What you think you did, what you thought was right, was meant for some other place. not here. No, no way.

Rule6 : Girls have an undue advantage. And I am not talking about that. It's the high pitch annoying vocals which they can turn on when required and ruin everyone's theatrical voice and commanding voice strategy. Face it, would you rather speak or save your eardrums ?

Rule7 : You have screwed up.

Rule8 : If you got selected, its probably the other guy's major screw up.

This is day1. Things can only get worse...

Friday, September 08, 2006

The amazing Erik Mongrain



Official Website : http://www.erikmongrain.com
More videos available on google videos

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Ad Bash

What did Yahoo! have in mind when they created this Ad ? Any clue ?

I can understand obesity.
Maybe constipation.

Who chose Uncle Ji and his mannerisms ?

Is this an attempt at accommodating "Indian English" ? A way to touch chords and more with the millions who have no control over their oral diarrhea ?

How does a father's annoyance over his son's mailing habits make a good point about Yahoo's service ?

Why is he frowning ? What is he thinking ? The issue is comparable to Monalisa's mysterious smile.

Should I relate to his dislike for Yahoo ? Should I recall memories of relatives with rock solid opinions and feel worse about everything ?

So many questions. So little brain. So little time. Yahoo?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Think different

I first blamed it on his flowing tresses. A fundoo Hrithik's hairstyle shouldn't wander beyond Hrithik's own head. Then, it seemed to be the eager handshakes. Why was he so enthusiastic about the whole thing ? Truthfully, we PGP1 students should have been the ones frolicking. After all, a leading newspaper of the country (screw the censorship, it was Hindustan Times) was under the impression that the PGP22 batch had something different to offer. PGP20 batch had a guy who opted out of placements, and opened up his football training school. This batch had an exceptional number of singing dancing imbeciles. Some of us would have definitely committed a career blunder and landed up at IIML. We were great potential for the 'Think Different' story.

The interview(s) lasted for almost an hour. Our man was really digging hard for creativity. One of us could surely be a maverick. Have a bleak passion ? Blow it up ! Think you are different ? Of course you are. You are a normal guy ? Then fake it ! Picture a typical journalist with the above mentioned hairdo, a notepad, a fluffy semi-formal white shirt and a concocted look of amazement and a smirk.

The farce began with our quintessential Dilli waala, Deep.
"So Deep, tell me...dance...how did this all happen ?"
"I have always been interested in dance. I have yada-yada-yada and blah-blah-blah."
"So, do you plan to pursue a career in dance ?"
The journalist was mutely screaming - give me masaaala ! give me crap about your dreams.
He relented.
"Yes...I plan to gain corporate experience and eventually make my passion my career."
awwww....how lovely...

New Babe. New hot-word.
"So Meera, what are you interested in ?"
"I love playing baseball, basketball, football, volleyball, TT. I am also passionate about helping the blind and the poor. And yes, I was runner up in Miss Mangalore. I unfortunately did not choose World Peace as my true goal."
"Yes...So you what are you future plans ?"
Cmon...be my baby...say it...SAY IT !
"I think I am going to be.......an entrepreneur."
applause....applause...applause

The journalist had a content smile on his face. He had devoured two delicious farce victims. The next one turned out to be a bit chewy.

"Saawan, what are your real passions ?"
"Well, I like dramatics. I enjoy acting. I've been doing it for a few years. I like it."
Some morons just don't take a hint...
"So, are you planning to pursue dramatics as a career ?"
"Not really. I like doing creative things. Acting is one of them."
"Oh...so you are planning to get into films and become a star ?"
Some morons just don't take a hint...
"No. I do it for fun. I won't pursue it as a career."
BORING !!

I was the next interviewee.
But I'd rather not talk about it :D I said some things which I guess I shouldn't have and used vocabulary that didn't look pretty on paper. Today, quite a few friends gasped - "What ? He wrote that !! awww...." The photo looks pretty...The article...well... You judge it yourself :


MOHINI CHAWLA has been a national-level base ball player, has represented Andhra Pradesh in Table Tennis, besides being a district level basketball and chess player. That’s not all. For she is a trained Bharatnatyam dancer too!

Mohini is talented. So is Divya Khatri. The latter is a trained Bharatnatyam dancer, prolific writer and budding poetess besides. Prerna Bhutani is an expert in glass painting besides being a trained dancer.

So, don’t be surprised if a “Choreography club” comes up at IIM-L very soon.
For the new batch of students who joined IIM-L campus about a month back are immensely gifted. Photographers, painters, dancers—classical, salsa, cha cha cha, musicians, sketch artists, actors, writers, poets ….

You name it and you have it on the campus. Of the roughly 270-odd students in the new batch, about 80 have some expertise in a given field. Some are multi-faceted like Sudeep Gupta who danced his way to the “best dancers trophy” from none other than dancing master, Shiamak Dawar with whom he did a show in Delhi and has some “off beat plans” after completing his two year post graduate diploma in management from IIM-L.

Arvind Iyer who wants to write “cheap fiction” took training in ‘Bharatnatyam’ (you heard it right!), besides being trained in Indian classical and carnatic music is a performer who is just ‘confused’ about what he wants to do with multi-talented personality.

And how can one not mention the ‘actors’ in the talented crowd of management students. Meet Subodh Diwan, Rritu Saurabha and Abhishek Raghuvanshi. While Subodh, besides having acted in several plays, also has the experience of organizing cultural events and wants to do something to improve the ‘theatre scene’ in the country, Rritu, an employee of Indian Railways (on two years’ leave for pursuing his management studies), too knows a thing or two about ‘acting’.

And so does Abhishek, who worked with the Railways for four years, is into theatre and wishes to act in television serials. Two years later when multinational companies come on the campus to recruit them at dream salaries during the placement week, they might join the corporate jungle. But, what makes them different is that they do not intend staying there like there predecessors.

“I would work just as long as I have enough money to start a talent school of my own. The idea of imparting my creativity to others and being my own boss inspires me,” says Divya. Like her others too have similar ‘out-of-the-box’ plans.

The corporate world would be temporary. The creative, permanent is what they seem to believe in. The talented pool of students this year has inspired IIM faculty members as well. Says Prof Dharmendra Sengar, Chairman, Students Affairs, “It’s very encouraging to have this bunch of creative youths. They would serve as cultural ambassadors not just of the institute but also of the country when they go abroad as part of the students exchange programme.” His advice to the talented bunch: “Enjoy with discipline”!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sunday

I haven't had a sunday in over a month. Technically, there have been 4 sundays. Truthfully, today was pretty close to the sunday I am talking about - leisure and all that. But my mind is consistently facing a Monday...an occasional Tuesday...rare Fridays...and of course, no Saturdays.

I love the pressure, grappling new subjects, globing away :D

I am putting up with a few of the MBA morons here, enjoying the new company otherwise,eating good food and keeping myself busy.

I hate the way I am still uncomfortable about walking about with my I-Pod. It's been over 6 months! I need a wireless lifestyle !

I miss quite a few things in this new routine. I haven't fallen in love (crush, infatuation, call-it-what-you-want) in a while. And considering the pretty females around, that's quite a sad situtation. I think that's the biggest trade off in this whole deal. I am having serious fun, but no fun fun. My vocabulary has gone for a six, and I blame that on that thing...that stuff above...you know...

It's been at least a fortnight since I did a chai-thing - conversations over tea that the exact opposite of small talk - talking my heart out.
I milked many opportunities to dazzle people in the initial days at L. I feel a great absence of that too.

Give me a break !!!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Life @ IIML - I

Now I'm the king of the swingers
Oh, the Jungle VIP
I've reached the top and had to stop
And that's what's been bothering me

I wanna be a man, a mancub
And stroll right into town
And be just like the other men
I'm tired of monkeyin' around!
Oh, oobee doo
I wanna be like you
I wanna walk like you
Talk like you, too
You'll see it's true
An ape like me
Can learn to be human too.

I wanna be like you
I wanna walk like you
Talk like you, too
You'll see it's true
Someone like me
Can learn to be
Like someone like me
Can learn to be Like someone like you!
Can learn to be
Like someone like me!


-- I Wanna Be Like You ("Jungle Book")

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The Right Price

Helmets have never been a high priority purchase in our family. The law requires some dark coloured protection for the skull, and that's the extent to which we interpret the law. Style was never a criteria. Our family vehicle for four long years was the Fiat. (Read about the car - Introduction, School, Road Trips, Sounds). My own personal two-wheeler was an average looking bicycle till class 10th. From class 11th, I was the co-owner of a whining TVS Moped (with a whopping 60cc engine !). It had seen good days in Mhow. By the time it tasted the roads of Delhi, it was over 6 years old. Since the vehicle wasn't a source of pride for me, buying an ostentatious helmet wasn't really a real concern. And there's the other reason...

I have a...amm...amm...big head. Oh god! The tragedy,,,the shame ! Oh the shame ! Bad helmets, ill fitting caps, bewildered looks of friends and shopkeepers who discovered this abnormality....sniff sniff...

Anyway, a week back we needed a replacement for our helmet. Since I was the aberration in the otherwise standard head-sized family, I was assigned the duty this time for purchasing an appropriate helmet. Directives were simple :
1. Find something that fits your head
2. Don't peruse branded or extravagent models
3. Go for a simple design - no chin guards or natural air vents

That evening, I cruised dilli roads for a helmet. The moment I spotted one, I had an awful "lets NOT go shopping !" feeling. I dragged my feet on the dusty path to the heap of helmets and the sales-MAN.

Helmet terms aren't a standardized lot. When enquiring about laptops, I can mechanically specify terms like Centrino, RAM, DVD Combo etc. But who knows what they coloqially call a chin-guard in a helmet ? Gangways are called taraapa, Reinforcement is called Sariya. So I assisted my sales-MAN by vigorous hand actions. "Bhaiya, Helmet mein (cupped my ears), chin guard (rapid shaving action), nahi chahiye ! (broad hand movement)." Sales-MAN apparently understood my charade, and brought the flimsiest piece from the stack.

I recognized the model. I smiled and told him I already had one like that at home and it doesn't fit me. He wasn't perplexed by the fact. He placed the helmet on my head. The piece was literally floating on top. I gave him an 'I told you so!' expression - "Bhaiya, mera sar BADA hai." Nope. Sales-MAN wasn't convinced. He used his favourite arsenal - "Arre,,,wo adjust ho jaaega. wo kuch din baad fit ho jaata hai." I removed it and placed it on HIS head. It was a normal fit. He wasn't swayed by this obvious fallacy. He repeated his give it some time routine. I sighed and asked for a different model.

He brought out the roadside showroom's "branded" stuff. He tested waters - "badiya hai. company maal hai. 380 ka padega." "Ha!", I sneered. My last drop of enthusiasm trickled away. "Agar 200 types bhi hota to khareed leta." It seemed to be a millimetre larger than my skull size - a few shades better than the stuff I'd worn before. My ear tips stuck out from the sides. It would have been impossible to explain this to Sales-MAN. And the price !! Who had the energy to bargain ! I called up my father and told him the same. He reiterated - buy it ONLY if it fits you. Aha ! The perfect loophole !

To make a clean exit, I thought I would try and be completely honest with him. I gave him 3 reasons for quitting the bargaining exercise - It doesn't seem to fit me. I don't like the price. And I don't want to make this decision on my own. Sales-MAN made his move.

S-MAN : 200 de deejiye."
ME : "Bhaiya. abhi nahi khareedna hai. kal pitaji ke saath aa kar khareedoonga." (I am not buying it now. I'll come with my father tomorrow and purchase it)
I took a step towards the scooter.
S-MAN : "theek hai. 190 deejiye".
ME : "Bhaiya. mein jhooth nahi bol raha. mein kal AA raha hoon. abhi nahi khareedna." (I am NOT lying. I am coming tomorrow. I DON'T want to buy it now.)
S-MAN : "abhi le leejiye. nahi pasand aaye to kal lauta dena." (Buy it now. If you don't like it, you can return it tomorrow.)
I wore my old helmet and unlocked the scooter.
ME : "Bhaiya !!!! kal AA raha hoon. abhi NAHI le raha." (I am COMING tomorrow. I am NOT buying it now).
S-MAN : "180 de deejiye."
I thought this was going nowhere. Maybe a little eyebrow-raising would convey my point. I removed the old helmet.

ME : "Bhaiya. MERI BAAT MAAN LO. mein iss road par har din jaata hoon. jhoot nahi bol raha. KAL AA RAHA HOON !" (I travel on this road everyday. I am not lying. I AM COMING TOMORROW.)
S-MAN : "160 de deejiye final."

I gave up. I tried the same helmet again. It seemed just right - my ear bottom could do with a little ventilation. Snug fit was definitely better than a floating accessory. Two things were apparent - I would never get this price again. I had unknowingly made my life's best bargain. The dissapointing fact was the price would not drop further. I paid up 160/- and drove off adorned with a brand new helmet.

I wonder if sales-MAN would have lowered the price further. Did I hit the right price ?

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Muffinisation

Barrista is a summation of all those little things - that streaked hair, those Italian coffee beans, that pretentious plop of swiss chocolate, that tall bitter cappuchino/mocha serving, that female in the ill-fitting top shouting - "That's so cool yaar. I tell you nooo, it's like..."

My friend broke my trail of disgust - "Arvind, you want this ?" My doubt was cleared by the Barrista employee - "Yes, it's Aam Panna. It's made from raw mangoes, chilled and served with...." The cynic within me smiled.

'Oh it's an Indian drink made from MANGO. This fruit is considered the king of all fruits in India. In villages, people drink this to quench their thirst. It reflects the culture, tradition and customs of...'

As I sipped the Barrista version of Aam Panna a few minutes later, I was later hit by an even bigger revelation - I was neither the Moccha Frappe nor the Aam Panna crowd. Is this some vague food identity crisis ?

Add a bit of cool air-conditioning, some false ceiling lights, that chic wooden furniture with glistening steel lining - and whoa ! You have enveloped food with a layer of exclusivity. And that flavour of upmarket culture entices the aspirations of Ritesh Verma, the 20 something BPO employee, the icon of rising India. And why shouldn't he splurge ? It's his hard earned money. He deserves some cool comfort.

The Indian urban cityscape is offering fewer options and greater number of clones. Aggarwal Sweet Corner is no longer what my generation wants. We prefer Coffee. I've visited quite a few of these joints - Mocha, Cafe Coffee Day, Barrista. And each offers more or less the same thing - Coffee Culture as publications would like to call it. Is this alien culture, or am I the alien in generation Y ?

Then again, it is probably my ignorance eating up my comfort level. What ignorance, you may ask. Well, here's my favourite example. Serve a guy/gal soup and plonk a tray of condiments for the dish. It is certain that he will try out a bit of every condiment (quite a few times without tasting the soup !). Majority of people drinking soups across India don't exactly know what soya sauce does to the taste. Or how many teaspoons will enhance the taste without ruining it. A bit of this, a bit of that and our man has created his custom soup. Phew ! Of course he knows his food quite well. Vinegar ? Yup, lets have some of that too !

Salt and Pepper on the other hand, are quite Indian and comprehendable. You'll seldom find someone adding spoonfuls of salt to customize the dish.

Maybe I am supposed to learn this the hard way. Visit the joints often - be a part of the muffinisation. Drink up that frappe, mocha and eventually decide which one suites my taste. Ah, the one with Italian roasted beans costs thrice the one with costa beans...But the taste has that Italian bitterness..hmm.. what crap !

Tikki, Chaat and Bhelpuri stalls/thelaas are spread across India, serving cheap food with questionable hygiene. Bansal/Aggarwal Sweets satisfy that broad middle class who want that assurance of cleanliness too. An odd Haldiram joint serves the same in rare localities that require even higher standards.

Even my favourite ice Cream is not a luxury item. Yes - you can purchase a serving for Rs250/- if you walk into a 3Star. But the same is available for one-fifth the price at quite a few shops ; And at one-tenth the price in all the ice-cream trolleys. And I, the so called king customer, can exercise my choice and pick the category that satisfies me.

And that's what really annoys me - two cubes of brownie with a spoonful of ice-cream costs Rs65/- at CCD. Where are my option two and three ? That's why I feel the Coffee Culture consists of a bunch of morons, sipping that glass of cold coffee concoction, munching that muffin, not really sure about what they are having, why they are having it, but smiling nevertheless. It's Mocha for heavens sake ! I LOVE MOCHA !

Aren't we plain sucking up to what previous generations ominously named as Western Culture ? Am I missing something here ?

Sunday, May 28, 2006

IIML Fresher's Meet 2006

I attended the IIM-L Fresher's meet this saturday (27th May). They had arranged it at Maurya Sheraton Hotel - inviting PGP1 (that would be us), PGP2 (whoever was in Delhi) and Alumni.

The atmosphere was formal for an hour or so - waiters circulating amongst the small groups cheese pakora and murg tikkas; Each senior giving fundaa (called GLOBE in IIM lingo) to each small gathering of facchas. This was supposed to be the prime time for networking, for 'getting to know' seniors. I don't think many of us tried that. When we ran of the silly questions, we moved on from the lounge to the main hall.

Some of the favourite silly questions were "Is there a mess in the campus ?"; "Do you have to study a lot ?" ; "Do I need to bring a bike/vehicle ?" ; "Is CGPA important ?" Most of these could be answered by a diplomat's favourite phrase - "it depends."

It would be naive' to attribute what happened next to alcohol. It can be blamed on something even more potent - 'tradition'.

After the alumni and popular PGP2's (the kind that get a woo-hoo ! ALL the time) were done with their speeches, one of the seniors went up to the mike and said, "Those freshers that are not dressed in formals assemble in front of the stage." That's when I was hit by an overwhelming feeling of deja-vu....

It was exact replica of a college fresher's night - We gave our intros ; Some sang songs ; Some sang cute nursery rhymes ; We danced silly steps for the lovely cameras ; Lined up for the lovely seniors. Soon, we were free to do what we wanted. Of course then we all danced for quite a while. It was great fun - except for the Himesh Reshamiya numbers !

At 10.30pm I encountered the most complex situation of the evening - the dinner. Should I eat the food I know or the dishes that I haven't ever tried or pronounced ? I did the latter and had a serving of weird fish, weird mediterranian vegetables, spectacular lasagnia, khichdi risotto and some dal-roti to satisfy my stomach. Then I stood and gaped at the dozen variety of salads. Since I couldn't choose, I tried all of them. I had of course planned ahead and had left substantial space for dessert. Did I like it ? Lets just say I had more than one helping of the pastries :)

A few energetic beings went back to the dance floor. The rest of us tacitly decided to exit the venue. I made a last visit to the Maurya Sheraton loo (who knows when I'll get to pee there again !) and then safely drove back home.

Oye Hoe Dilli

Quite often, an encounter with Dilli-waalas evokes an odd mixture of awe, disgust and appreciation within me. I am against pointless generalizations. But Dilli waalas are truly something ! It's quite annoying to drive with them. Their utter disrespect for rules/ethics is evident. But the heart of dilli-behaviour lies in its marketplaces. A general store owner will slowly inch out of his land boundary and set the egg crates and pepsi stacks three feet away, marking his little territory. Banners with loud 'SALE SALE' graphics will be strung across poles that didn't expect it. Salesman will smile, get you chai-paani without making you feel obligated. Very rarely will you hear anyone say, "nahi milega."

This evening I went shopping for general purchases to ATTA market - an appalling example of illegal construction, indian congestion, pollution and behaviour reflecting the theme of this article. The whole of NOIDA loves it because that's the kind of market that screams variety and wide price ranges. Sandal shopping was first priority. We struggled to move in the intended direction, against the current of human mass. My dad pointed to 'Anand Shoes' and asked - "Yehi apni dukaan hai kya ? " The salesman jumped up - "Arre sir, aap andar to aaiye." As I reached the shop entrance, he gave me the eyebrow-raise greeting and shook hands with genuine enthusiasm - "aur bhaiya kya haal hain ?" I assure you all I don't have any memory of meeting this man. Of course I politely shook hands and went inside. I specified what I wanted. He bellowed something to the junior mundu. That guy in turn threw out a few boxes of sandals. (Those who have purchased shoes from this grade of shops must have noticed this quicky action that all salesman perfect - flipping the box and opening it in one smooth action. Somehow, it always seems impressive - a stamp of experience).

Eventually, we were down to two choices - a brownish sandal with a thick sole and a simpler flat sandal. This is where the exchange got interesting. Before the price is settled, the customer usually has to be convinced about his purchases. The reassurances can seem as sincere or hollow as one wants them to be. Questions can also be accusative. In such cases, the rejoinder from the salesman has to be both quick and convincing. Any blemishes can be fatal to the purchase.

Customer 0---Salesman 0

I wore the flat sandal, walked around and commented - "bhaiya, thode din to leather kaatega." (the leather will bite for a while) He quickly replied, "Arre humne to saare daant nikal diye hain"(I have removed all the teeth).
Customer 0---Salesman 1

I wore the other pair. The heel seemed excessive. My mother said "heel thoda zyaada lag raha hai." He quicky said, "inko pehan kar bhaiya aasman ke taare chooenge."
Customer 0---Salesman 2

I had pretty decided to buy the flat sandal. I asked, "Ye kitne dil chalega?" He assured me, "Bhaiya ek saal to chalna chahiye." That was quite a shock. I retorted - "Lo ! Ye Sarojini Nagar ke sandal ek saal chale hain. Aapka bhi ek saal hi chalega !!" He took only a second to recover - "Chalega to 2-3 saal. Aap to ek saal mein humse aur bhi sandal khareedenge na ?
Customer 0 --Salesman 3

We bargained. And bought it. The leather has been kind to me for these few hours. the design seems fine. Will it last for an year ? Lets pray :)

I wonder how a similar trip in good old bengal would have been.
--"Bhaiya, Sandal khareedna hai."
--"Hobe na !"

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Treat @ KGP

Definitions :

Monkey Business : Individual must share his/her goods with society, whatever they may be.

Treat : KGP's way of doing Monkey Business. Hey ! You got a job. Why not let us milk some of that monetary blessing. Sure, since we are humans in a society, it may not be appropriate to deal in cash, or divide it amongst ourselves. So allow me to consume enough alcohol and food, to add up to around the same amound of money, as I would have received, if I was not bound by society's rules. Job @ Infosys - Booze treat Rs 1000/- should be fine. Job @ L&T - Now I must receive compensation of at least 1500/-. Job @ Mckinsey - hehe...get ready to curse God for making you so charming and smart !

Photo abbreviations - ALL made up. I know nothing about the art. I just opine

Treat Rules

Rule no 1 : They all look the same.

Rule no 2 : Some moron or the other always gets sento. Sento involves tumbling, being utterly dependent on others for reaching your room, talking loudly and insensibly, having lenghty conversations about nothing - and having fun doing all this.

Rule no 3 : You can either pig out on starters, or on the food. You can't have the cake and eat it too. You can't have the Tandoori Chicken and eat the Paneer Butter Masala too.

Rule no 3 : All treat photos invariably look terrible. Here's the explanation :

Photographs at treats are always constrained by the silly table. It's 2' X 5' and obviously, someone's got to be at the other end. And hence the photographer, the unfortunate member of the gang who isn't in the photo has to either sit-and-click (SAC) or Click-at-end-of-table (CAEOT).

The Taxi Ride : For some reason, the treat members want to capture the journey to the food joint. Hence, the guy with enough volition to place the camera at a suitable angle, clicks. And the result is usually something like this :
Ugly guy, guy, guy in half

The CAEOTs : CAEOTs always involve obnoxiously large faces at the front and disregardable faces behind those two. A sample...

2 bright guys, rest irrelevant

Sometimes, the photograher tries to capture SOME members of the gang. That turns out to be even more hideous. Weird angles (WA's), Big Faces (BF's) and an ugly photo overall.

Sweet memories ? I don't think so!

The SAC's : SAC's are a result of the lethargy of the photograher and the LOE (lack of enthu) of the others. Some manage to get captured by the frame. Rest, well nobody will ever know what they were upto at that second.

bright guy, guy, irrelevant

The End : After all the food mayhem is over, some still have the urge to capture those moments. Nobody's interested, few notice him and the photo turns out like this :

not looking, looking, not looking, irrelevant

The participants, regardless of the grotesque nature of the products, want to cherish these photos as proof of their drunkenness. The collection is never made presentable. Should I delete this blurred photo ? NOOO..Why trash it, when my 80GB hard disk can store all the crap I can want ! Why not click at 1024x768 - that's the best resolution you'll need for such photos...NOOO...Go for the best - 2048x1536. Why have small files, when you can store crap in larger spaces !

And hence these treats thrive - eating our bank accounts, our time, our health, our hard disk and our sweet memories, which are rapidly losing their saccharified essence..

Iyer, treat kab de rahe ho ?
grrrr....
Have a banana...

Thursday, May 04, 2006

My favourite video on YouTube

It's called "Hey Clip".
As of now, it's been viewed 3,741,383 times and has logged 3121 comments.
This is how the creators succinctly describe it :

heya all! dancing stupid is fun.
me and my friend in a cool clip.
"Hey" by the pixies


Check it out !


Friday, April 28, 2006

April 28

The final semester was not meant to be so hectic. I thought days would gently transit from one to another.

I thought I'd be able to soak in the spirit of youth in January - jive in Spring Fest, Carpe-diem.

I wanted to enjoy the dying winter of February ;

I would have loved to breathe in the caressing breeze of March - when kgp is at it's best. hall days, music, theatre...

I wanted to make whimsical trips to Harrys/Cheddis - enjoy the company of those who tinkled my brain.

I couldn't do any of the stuff above. Or enjoy them when they were happening.

My mind has forgotten how to relax. I am permanently in the 'interview' mode. Do well. Speak well. Write well.

My hall presented me a Best-Soccult award - I didn't feel happy. And it wasn't indifference either. The alarming fact was my brain said, "It's ok. Nothing great. Maybe there is something better you can aim for."

Music is thankfully still free from all this. I listen to what I want to. And I am loving it:)

Movies have become items to be intelligently appraised. I've seen over eight movies in the last few days. And I enjoyed only one. And I suspect it was the music of 'Walk the Line' that did it. Not the cinematic experience.

Novel reading has reduced to a trickle. I read news. economy. george bush. and stuff I don't understand. I read blogs too. But again, I don't enjoy them. I think I am evaluating them. Have they written it well ? language..composition...

CAT has killed four whole months of my life. I know where I am headed. Life's set. Life's good...Then why the hell am I perked up ? Wonder when I'll relax again. Because IIM's surely not going to help.....

kya karen ka kya na karen ye kaisi mushkil bhai...

Saturday, April 22, 2006

They're watching you

The annoyance has been brewing within me for almost two years. Back then, this is how I felt about Orkut -

****
Then there is the thing, and the other thing, next to that one. Its called Orkut (oh..so cute...kya pyaara naam hai...just like my dog you know...you know na...Dog, matlab Dog Biscuit..Orkut, Biskut )....See, contradictory to what many of the people think here, I believe it serves no purpose. Yes, you can still add me as a "friend", I am game. But it is pretty ridiculous. Why ? Let us analyse this sex-wise :

The Guys - See, its back to the "mine is bigger than yours" phenomenon. With Yahoo msgr, life is much easier since nobody can gauge the exact number of people added on your list. Who really wants idiots on the friends list sending the "Jai Maata Di, send this all" ? They should in fact be on the "Fry & end" list.
So, the average guy suddenly gets the invitation to join Orkut from some dude (level of friendship irrelevant, as you will see later). When he finally finishes filling up the incosequential questions and unwanted information, he lands up with a round figure of ONE as his total number of friends.
The guy panics, explores and manages to add SOME of the people he already knows..phew ! Up to a respectable 28 ! Thank God !

Then, his "friend" drops this icky-sweet testimonial on his head -- "The sweetest guy you will meet. Soooo nice, you know...great body, great butt...yes...only sometimes he gets angry...He plays guitar, squash, tennis..helps the blind and the poor". If the process of scrounging for friends was hard enough, then this was the limit. Shit..now the dude has to think up something nice for him /her....The stuff out there is so cheesy, you'd think the world is made of Mother and Father Teressas (no offence).

Just bcoz u ticked an extra purpose as "dating women", no female is going to jump at you. The communities (as of now), seem dead. All you can do for timepass is look at the pretty webcam photos, and keep on adding people till you get sick of it. Some say we can use it to search for Old Friends. And I say - Bull****.

Face it boys, Foreign Middle East ki bandi nahi milegi tumhe...The Indian ones were anyway out of reach. The obsequious banter never worked in YMsgr. I have no pretty hopes for Orkut.

The Girls - Well, I am not really sure. Any fundaa I try to throw up will be squashed by everyone - 'Tujhe kya pataa ?'. As seen in most of the activities (except Gitte and Stappu), the number of females participating in Orkut are fewer.
I think with the hundred courageous guys trying to add them up in kgp itself, the other problems will seem pretty bleak...Good Friend, Best Friend, Bad Friend, Idiotic Chipku....What the hell do they mean anyway ???
****


After so many months of Orkuting, I've finally begun to respect this thriving system, this e-being. It has successfully delivered to me a few old school mates. Good boy ! Here's a biskut....Wait a minute...What are doing ? What is this ? ? Bad boy...Bad boy...

I hate to tell you this. But Orkut has stuck a bright light on your butt. You don't believe me, do you ? Well, here's the proof :



Do you realize the catastrophic implications of this 'development' ? My heart goes out for all my fellow Orkut creeps. There is no way they can satisfy their meandering lust anymore. One's anonymity was the greatest asset in Orkut. For a general dosage of humour, females, timepass, all we had to do was set out on an aimless journey. A bit of Brazilian beauties ; those unbelievably moronic profiles of 'Ritesh Sharma' and 'Manoj Kumar' ; That girl who might be your schoolmate (of course she is not). If the average OC (orkut creep) couldn't muster enough courage+creativity to come up with a good one-liner scrap, he could peruse the profiles, and hit again on a later day. But now, he will inevitably leave a stinky trail. He has to perform at his best. everytime. It's now or never.

Henceforth, we'll have to totally re-evaluate our Orkut paths.
- You like that female's photo album ? Well, not more than one visit per week.
- You love your cool senior's profile ? You can't land up again ! You just visited it yesterday.
- You already landed up on your friend's profile ?? Scrap ! Scrap ! That's the only way out. Who visits the neighbourhood without dropping by ? Use the standard templates -'nice pic', 'happy birthday', 'abe kya chal raha hai' ...phew !

I don't know where I am headed,
But you know where I've been,
Afreen Afreen, Afreen Afreen...


An occasional blip on a stranger's radar is acceptable. Because one does tend to lose one's way in this confusing networking system. But think carefully, before you click that familiar smiling face.

Remember : they are watching you.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Think BIG !

- "Where are you headed ?"
- "I am going to the Madan Mohannn Malv...zzzzZZ"

Some whacky brains up there are subtly ruining our IIT experience. The masters of astro-physics, of politics, somehow goof up when it comes to such a simple task. While the youth struggles to shorten their names (Harminder to Harry, Aditya to Adi); typ lik dis & dat, the authorities consistently struggle to achieve the exact opposite. Isn't this annoying ?

A modest analysis :

1951
IIT Kharagpur receives it's first three halls in quick succession. They undoubtedly have the best names among all the halls. And this isn't foolish PAN tempo. Just try saying it out loud :

PA-TEL (2 syllables)
NEH-RU (2 syllables)
A-ZAD (2 syllables)

1954
Three years later, the authorities got a little whackier. Two new halls were plopped onto the IIT Campus.

RAJENDRA PRASAD (5 syllables) - Which had to be shortened to RP
RADHA KRISHNAN (4 syllables) - Which had to be shortened to RK

1967
I don't know what did it - lack of sense, 'mine is bigger than yours' crisis. But the nomenclature just got sillier.

JAGDISH CHANDRA BOSE (5 syllables) - It's called JCB
LALA LAJAPAT RAI (6 syllables) - It's now called LLR, or Laloo

1998
Fifty years of humidity completely blanked out the brains up there. A new international standard hostel (ha ha !) was completed in 98. And it was boldly named : HOMI JAHANGIR BABA (7 syllables) - It's now awkwardly called HJB. In normal conversations, students either swallow the J or the B...sigh...Could things get worse ? Oh yes !

2005
How could authorities top a hall name with SEVEN syllables ? Could a more glorious and bombastic name be actualized ? Well, the alumni and the old old aged professors got together, and came up with this :

PANDIT MADAN MOHAN MALVIYA (8 syllables) - The student body is struggling with abbreviations like MMM (that's an extremely uncomfortable 3 syllable word. try it !), or triple-M (again, 3 syllables).

sigh... The girls hostel extension will probably be named RANI LAXMI BAI ! IIT will sprout at least 2-3 more hostels for the increased student intake. And you know where all this is headed...

When I step out of this domain of IIT Kharagpur, I can see the same madness everywhere. About ten years ago, one of the busiest stations in Mumbai, had a lovely name - "Victoria Terminus". Then the authorities decide to impose 'Indian Culture' onto a beautiful Gothic structure and renamed it to "Chatrapathi Sivaji Terminus". People still call it VT. Probably a crore would have been spent in making the necessary administrative changes. What a waste !

Post-Kargil battle, NOIDA municipality decided to pay respect to Late Lt. Vijayant Thapar (belonging to the same city) by renaming one of the arterial roads to reflect his name. They could have called it VT marg, or Thapar Marg. But they had to paint all 32 Letters. It is called 'Late Lt. Vijayant Thapar Marg". You can imagine how many people refer to it by the same name.

I am sure I'll love whatever Pandit MMM did (once I read about it). Homi J Baba would have been an excellent Indian citizen. I know Shivaji ji did great things for our nation. But is this the right, and ONLY way to thrust their legacy onto us ? Can't those who will this, find a more effective and less intrusive way to effect it ?

Are you listening ?

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Results

IIM A for Aaya nahi
IIM B for Bhagaa diya
IIM C for Cut gaya

I am headed for IIM L.
sigh....

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Best of Seinfeld 3

|| There's something very insincere about these greeting cards we send back and forth to each other all the time. They're like these little one-dollar folded paper emotional prostitutes, isn't it? "I don't know what my feelings are, so I'll just pay some total stranger a buck to make up this little Hallmark hooker to do the job for me. So I can go, 'Yeah, I didn't write this, but whatever they wrote, I think the same thing." ||

JERRY
All right. How 'bout this one: let's say you're abducted by aliens.

GEORGE
Fine.

JERRY
They haul you aboard the mother ship, take you back to their planet as a curiosity. Now: would you rather be in their zoo, or their circus?

GEORGE
I gotta go zoo. I feel like I could set more of my own schedule.

JERRY
But in the circus you get to ride around in the train, see the whole planet!

GEORGE
I'm wearin' a little hat, I'm jumpin' through fire.. They're puttin' their little alien heads in my mouth..

JERRY
[resigned] At least it's show business..

GEORGE
But in the zoo, you know, they might, put a woman in there with me to uh.. you know, get me to mate.

JERRY
What if she's got no interest in you?

GEORGE
Well, then I'm pretty much where I am now. At least I got to take a ride on a spaceship.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Krishna, Radha and all that....

*Intellectual conversation at 2:30 a.m on the IIT LAN(censored & abridged) *

DC++ peculiarities :
* Conversation is not linear. Multiple strings follow simultaneously.
* It takes very little provocation to garnish lines with expletives (hence it took a lot of clean up to make this presentable).
* '11' is a geeky form of the cool smiley :) It's weird. bear with it.

BUHAAA : SFI is everywhr whr thr is an IIT...... :)
mask : 11
mask : SFI is thr even in US
BUHAAA : nope yaar its serious.........u kno SFI = sexually frustrated IITians??
camou : Who said iitians are se.xually frustrated
mask : then u r a bandi , right?
BUHAAA : well u kno better of urself )
camou : u are se.xually frustrated doesnt mean others are also se.xually frustrated
BUHAAA : 11
camou : all of my wingmates have done it
camou : in fact i am the only guy who didnt do it yet
camou : but still i am not frustrated
BUHAAA : camouflaged still fighting hard to hide his frustration :)
Aloo : :-))

(Enter star player, KUMAR)

Kumar : ne gal around???????
mask : camou must be from ISKON, they are always frustraed
BUHAAA : 11
camou : sala iskon ki *** **....
camou : buhaaa is iskonite
5Dim : ISCKON suxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kumar : R u Mad?
camou : my dear frnds
camou : u need not sleep with gals every night

( some brief sexually brisk exchanges...)

Kumar : ISKCON is great
Kumar : ISKCON is really great
BUHAAA : 11
'Aloo' : abe tu bahut bada ******* hai @kumar :-))
camou : 11
Kumar : Dont speak rubbish ignorantly
pappu : kya baat hai KUMAR ...jeevan ka tatva bataa diya..
'Aloo' : bhai kumar load mat ley yaar
camou : buhaaa shayad tu (some uneditable stuff)....
BUHAAA : camou u r really one true SFI
camou : kumar is ******* iskonite
BUHAAA : only they can speak like that :))
Kumar : U people dont know what ISKCON is doing
BUHAAA : iskon hall??
BUHAAA : which 1 is that?
pappu : jo log aaj IIT ki bandi log ko nahi 'taade' hain ...sirf wohi log SFI ke concept ke against bol sakte hain...

(Here comes the philosophy...)
Kumar : Even foreigners are following ISKCON knowing the right thing.But we.....
LORD : hehehe SFI... who coined SFI
admin : cool hai
admin : :))))
BUHAAA : n i'm th proponent :)
pappu : Foreginers are morons. They like to DOPE @ISCKON temple and think they are achieving nirvaana
camou : they do and i am sure u have read the infamous stories of your beloved maharajs
pappu : even curt cobain used to dope. hence proved.
pappu : saala....Krishna bhagwaan ke paas radha and 100 other hot babes...aur hamaare paas kuch nahi...
BUHAAA : 11 @pappu
pappu : this is bullshit...krishan ko DHAAPO ..uski pooja mat karo
Kumar : ISKCON is enlightening people about real aim of life.
pappu : and pray, what is the REAL aim , KUMAR ?
camou : the so-called iskonite monks are always accused of se.xually harassing and molesting the young guys who intend to join iskon
camou : they are all paedophiles
Rambo : ISCON shd supply radha & hot Gopiyaan to KGP
camou : yes
'Aloo' : :-))
pappu : yes...a bit SAFFRON bikinis should bring in some crowd...kya kehte ho KUMAR ji ?
camou : mr kumar u think abt what ur beloved krishna did
camou : krishna and radha and rest of the gopiyas set a glaring example of how we should spend our lives
camou : i wish i was born in that time
pappu : what crap...just imagine if you were BALRAAM or some guy next door to Krishna
pappu : he would go out with all bandis....aur tum BLUE kapde pehen ke HULLL chalaate..
Kumar : Its love that was between Radha and Krishna.not anything materialistic
pappu : LOVE maane ?
camou : wow really???
camou : love means se.x
'Aloo' : krishan kare to rasleela.....hum karein to character dhella...:-)
Kumar : Radha is form of Krishna's happiness.
pappu : all your thoughts currently are and will stem from S.EX. unless you ..
pappu : just screw Raadha once...phir sab sahi ho jaaega.

(Entry - the morons, stage left...)

LORD : who is radha
pappu : abe...ek SNite hai
LORD : year??
camou : yeh sala lord to accha ******* hain
pappu : arre...she was born in 2500 BC...thodi boodhi hai..
tkb : fachi hai kya ?
tkb : abe ye radha fachi hai kya ?
pappu : yes. she is searching for true happiness....lekin uske choice ka koi 'elective' nahi hai
tkb : dept ?
pappu : Dept of IS-KON-KON-Dept-dhoondoge-nahi-milegi
tkb : sahi re pappu
3333 : aabe pappu chup kar saale
tkb : yo pappu
camou : abe chhod de pappu... kumar bhag gaya.

** Please note I am not Kumar.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Ehh....

Songs I'll stay away from for a while :

-> Euphoria - Tum
-> KK - Aap ki dua
-> Karz - Om Shanti Om
-> Lucky Ali - O Sanam

If music be the food of joy, then it has upset my stomach.
17th March 2006 was a sad, sad, sad day.....

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

A confession

By the time you coloured morons get back from your strenuous Holi Tolis and splish-splash activities, I hope this piece of text won't spark any fresh enthusiasm to knock at my door.

I am not celebrating Holi this year. Oooh ! That sounds quite deep - like a stand against the cartoon controversy thing. But it's not. It's pure 100% unadulterated lethargy. Here are a few pictures from last year's celebrations.




As you can see, I can't just walk out of my room and be back in an hour or so. KGP Holi stuff are a wee bit intensive. Frankly, I haven't celebrated Holi 'dirty' before Kharagpur. All school level hungama had normal colours, a pichkari (cool kids had the steel variety, and I had the fragile plastic ones) and water balloons in later years. Permanent colours were banned for us. All those bhaiyas who would walk by adorned in shades of silver and gold would draw gasps of awe and respect.

Kharagpur involves around 600 students per batch, from which at least half venture out each year into Scholar's Avenue for a grand celebration. Every moron who may or may not be an acquaintance will have the right to do 'Holi Things'. As a warm gesture, he'll first possess a part of my clothing - preferably the shirt. Then, colours of any kind will be applied anywhere. Any kind of objection will only exacerbate my plight. When the clothing eventually reduces to a tenth of it's size, the participants will stop indulging in Step one. All this supposedly is the crux of Holi. I'd love to use the phrase he/she in all these sentences. But interaction with she's is rare. Yes, the girls do form their own 'tolis' and roam around the campus. But they pass by in a flash - a whiff of good clothing and holi-like-it-should-be. Sure, they all look quite unpleasant. Still, there isn't a worse moment to be partially undressed/naked than in front of fifty odd females. No festival can justify my paunch and torn clothes.

So go ahead - enjoy life. It's March - the month of spring, rebirth, everything blooming and all that crap.
Happy Holi everyone.

Friday, March 10, 2006

GD/PI

P = Panelist
I = I
Italics = Sub text

I enters the room.

I : Good morning Sir (smile - hope you don't screw me).
P : Sit down. (sigh...another one of those tie-wearing morons). Tell me something about yourself.
I : I am 21 years old. I am currently pursuing graduation in....
P : (flip,,,,flip,,,yawn...)..

..
..
P : Why do you want to do an MBA ?
I : ...I would like to use my entrepreneurial skills and management techniques to... (oh god..how many more jargons will it take for him to perk up)
..
...
..
....

P : What is your opinion about this year's budget (smirk - does he even have an opinon ?) ?
I : (pause) I think (or that guy at rediff.com thinks) that this year's budget focusses on 3 major aspects - taxes, amm....amm...I am not sure about the other two.
..
...
P : Do you have a role model ?
I : Yes Sir. I really respect my father..He has been.. (uff...even you know the rest you moron. smile smile.)

..
...
P : Do you think the Sensex is going to rise further ?
I : I feel there are 3 major factors. (how the hell am I supposed to know ?). Firstly, the economy with its (GDP, GDPI, PDI, FDI, FII F*CK ...)...Then, we also have international relations with (aaaaaahh....)

..
..
P : What are the disaster management techniques that are involved in architecture ?
I : (Noooo...not that crap. please !). Building can be reinforced against earthquakes using three methods....


...
..
P : Do you want to ask us anything ?
I : (Have I got selected ? HAVE I GOT SELECTED ?) What are the kind of career options that I can....

****
-- I hate this process of reading things I don't want to, forging opinions that aren't mine.
-- I loathe the fact that we have to sell ourselves as leaders, people who are different, creative, team workers, assertive - ALL AT THE SAME TIME !
-- I hate GD's, where nobody's listening and everyone is just waiting for their turn to speak. It's similar to reality, just slightly exaggerated.
****

"Life- loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it" - Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy

Monday, March 06, 2006

Woo hoo - 2nd!

How do I explain this feeling ?
There is no high. Yup. There is no high greater than the elation one feels after a good stage show. My Leo heart swells and pumps gallons of energy into my veins. And any number of hours of toil, unwanted decision making, trivial tensions backing the event melt into wonderful memories.

Of course, the digital age has allowed us to capture these moments - audio and video. Thanks Souvik, Anish, Vamsi and others who have clicked those zillion photographs.

We had our performance of Western Groups yesterday. Five more teams performed this evening.
We came 2nd. woo hoo!
Congrats RK Hall team for the well deserved first position.

I should be composing lines of glory, penning memoirs of my music-experiences at kgp. But I'll just put up this Seinfeld excerpt (slightly tweaked), which seems very apt at this moment. Please note it does not reflect my own or the team's stance towards the event judgement :)

***
I would rather come in last than win the silver, if you think about it. You know, you win the gold, you feel good. You win the bronze, you think 'well at least I got something'. But you win that silver, that's like "congratulations, you... almost won"..."Of all the losers, you came in first of that group"... "You're the number 1 loser"...."No one lost ahead of you".
***

lekin mazaa to aaya tha !

KGP people can download the MP3's from the LAN (search for 'Patel Western Groups'). I am ready to send the MP3's to others who have the time/volition/enthu/bandwidth for it. Links provided below for the MP3's (files around 5 MB in size each)

Song list :
The Doors - Roadhouse Blues
Joe Satriani - Crush of Love
Michael Jackson Medley
Queen - Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Coldplay - Yellow
Black Eyed Peas - Pump It

Let's keep rocking.

Monday, February 20, 2006

The bird flu thing

"More than eight lakh chickens would be culled and another two lakh vaccinated..."
"Birds sent to London lab..."



I am not sure what exactly culled means. At least, I was totally oblivious of its context till this morning. My wordweb defines it as : 'Remove something that has been rejected/ look for and gather.'

When I read these multiple news items yesterday, I thought the chickens were being sent away to a happy place - like a disneyland for hens at London. How bad could this culling activity be ? The dirty hens were of course being vaccinated. But that is just a prick of an injection, right ? As more news flew into my computer today, the euphemistic expressions were steadily displaced by more direct phrases - birds to be burnt! killed! I wish I was shocked by it. Instead, I was flooded with apathy, quite aptly captured by my favourite american expression - whatever!

At this point, I must state that despite being a consumer of chicken-products, I am still quite a veggy-guy. I eat chicken. But then, I really don't EAT chicken. Get it ? And while this foible has not given me any advantage till date, it has become my source of strength during this odd period. If I was a pure vegetarian, backed by feelings of animal-love or religion, this would definitely have been a unholy phase for me. The poor birds ! The poor birds ! And a non-vegetarian disposition would have left me utterly dismayed. Hence, when I'll walk into our hostel mess for the next few weeks, my face will hold a confident smile, whose source will be known only to the readers of this post.

This bird flu thing will definitely aid mess table conversations. For obvious (yet asinine) reasons, they've stopped serving chicky-stuff in the mess now. Being denied chicken even for one meal today (the first day of precautionary action) left all the non-vegs appalled. My favourite bong-land boasts of many chicken-lovers, who would rather have their chicken whacked and served on a plate, than cherish them as pets.
For me, it's a golden opportunity to smirk at their anguish - "Saala. Chicken band kar diya. It's silly. nahi ??" When offered such a lovely bait, it is inevitable that they'll lash out at (a) The system (b) Vegetarians (c) Manmohan Singh (poor guy) (d) Veg food. With my veggy cousins, I can always take the non-veg stance and have a nice discussion.

It's a period of great dilemma for the animal lovers. Here we have nine-lakh birds, to be culled (killed) within the next couple of days. To the average moron swayed by these activists, it doesn't seem rational at all to save the chicken lives. After all the health of a few hundred million Indians, the economy, FDI, FII, FBI etc are dependent on their death. Is it rational to holler scam backed by a nexus of multi-national corporations ? Well, reason and (animal) love never had a connection. So we can expect a lot of tamaasha in the coming days. Where are you Maneka Gandhi ? I am eager to hear your views about this massacre. Poor chickens...

A brief paragraph to convey important information - "According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), humans get infected when they come into direct contact with the saliva, mucus and droppings of infected birds." In case you thought of smooching that chick that lives down the street, think again. And no matter how attractive it looks, do not scoop out the mucus from a hen's nose (do they have one ?) or collect droppings.

Sadly, no one has considered the situation from the chicken's point of view. I would love it if Aaj Tak does a special report on the "Life of an Indian Chicken." Since most of the other clone channels would be busy giving updates on the number of chickens culled and vaccinated, Aaj Tak can really capture more market this way. Starting from the moment the gooey egg pops out from wherever, till the time it is ready to be consumed, the viewer can be delighted with wonderful details, peppered with boombastic hindi phrases :

"aur iss dehshat ki aag mein jalte hue murgion ki aatmaa cheekh rahi hai." (the hen's soul, burning in the fire of terror is screaming )
"Hum manushya ye murgi jeevan aur maut ka bhayaank khel kyon khel rahe hain" (why are we humans playing this terrible game of a hen's life and death)

Too bad they can't interview the chicken...That would have been something...

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

How to make life simpler

I finally have enough fundaa w.r.t to RSS Readers to help all you blog readers out there. For those who want concrete knowledge, click here and here for tutorials on RSS.

RSS (Really Simple Syndication) is a format for syndicating news. Which means that instead of searching for news from various sources, you can receive news from all of them, in the way you want them. Any website which supports RSS will have a link for a feed which you feed to your reader. The reader aggregates whatever information is relevant and displays it to you. This screenshot should give you some idea.

The RSS Reader I am using is freeware and quite crude. If you search for better readers, you can find some that even support filters for the feeds - which means more customized information.

Some of the Indian News Sites I am subscribing to are Rediff, Indian Express and Times of India. Rediff gives relevant compiled information. Times of India has customized RSS feeds. But it is updated only once a day (like a newspaper). You can also try others like BBC World, which are more generalized in content.

Of course, what attracts me to RSS Readers more than news sites, is the ease with which I can access blogs now. Yes..blogs ! I receive new posts on my computer as soon as they are updated. I can keep track, comment, reject as and when I want to. Of course, each blog needs to have a feed to be able to send information to an RSS Reader. I have created these (for free from FeedBurner) for my favourite blogs. You all can use these too. And create new ones by registering at feedburner. I request the blog authors to link these on their blogs. Instructions are easily available on the net.

Feed for Youth Curry
Feed for Sandeep Rath
Feed for Sudarshan
Feed for Poornima Vijayan
Feed for Himadri
Feed for Dipanjan

Happy Reading everyone !

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Three...

Situation - A man running in slow motion towards you.
Three things that will enhance his appeal :

1. A bouquet.
2. A rifle.
3. A jacket or similar fluttering clothing
4. Indian flag ; Rain (courtesy Susheela)
5. ______

Three things that will mar his appeal :

1. A bucket
2. A book
3. A man running alongside equipped with the previous list of items.
4. Broom-stick ; Lungi ; A running lady overtaking him (courtesy Susheela)
5. _____

Situation - You are munching food.
Three things that'll ruin your your appeal :

1. Kela
2. Idli
3. Mango (courtesy Nimesh)
4. _____

Three things that'll rocket our appeal (especially if you are a female) :

1. Grapes
2. Cold Drinks
3. Choco-bar (courtesy Sandeep)
4. _____

Situation - You are introducing yourself.
Three things you should never say :

1. Myself name
2. Mujhse Dosti Karoge
3. I love blogging.
4. _____

Three things you might want to say :

1. Hi
2. I am a student of the dept of...
I have come from...
My hobbies are .. (courtesy Himadri)
3. ______


(please add entries if any occur to you. I am blank about the blanks.)

Monday, January 30, 2006

Oooooo.....

It's great to be back, slinging mud on a veteran music director whose creations are loved by the masses...
Aaaaaashiq Banayaaaa, Aaaaaashiq Banayaaaa, Aaaaaashiq Banayaaaa aaaapne...
Quite similar to the Sourav Ganguly thingie, the indian community is split in two factions - those who know he sucks, and those who think he doesn't.
I went through some amount of effort to enkindle my iced fingers, numb from lack of blogging. I wasted precious disk space, downloading the whole album of Aksar to scrounge for the song that had spoilt our Nehru Canteen experience. I snipped off the decent parts, and saved the section that epitomises the feelings I plan to word. To absorb the essense of Himesh Reshammiya's bawling, I suggest you click here and get into the same mood.

Apparently, this guy has been in the industry since 2000. I earlier thought that it was a duo creating such crap for the industry. It's just one guy. This one --

One of his first movies was "Jodi No. 1". I think we all remember 'Ande ka fundaa'. Again, there are either lovers or haters of that composition.
Then came the landmark music of "Ye Hai Jalwa". You all probably won't remember it. It had Salman Khan strutting on a bridge with Amisha Patel (2002). Back then, he left the job of bawling to Kumar Sanu. The song went like this :
Ooooooooo Jaane Jigar...
Ooooaaaoooo Jaane Jigar...

Then came his major hit "Humraaz", followed by "Tere Naam". All this while, he hadn't attempted to sing himself. I sincerely thank the lord for his lack of confidence....Then "Aashiq Banaaya Aapne" happened.
May I please know what aspect of this song appeals to people ? His voice is so nasal, that it puts Kumar Sanu to shame. It seems pronouncing 'Aashiq' as 'Aasiq' while singing is kind of a cool thing. lik typin lik dis 2 imprss ppl. What the public sadly did was instigating the inner singer in this moron. If composing banal songs wasn't enough, he was now disposed to think - 'Hey, why not sing all this myself ?'

What he offers us in 2006 is a great movie called 'Aksar'. The catchline of the movie is "How often..." - how often do you cheat on your partner etc etc. You can construct the rest of the story yourself with smoochy Emraan Hashmi and sultry Tara Sharma. Inspired by the success of A.B.Aapne, Himesh ji has sung two songs in movie, created a dozen versions of the 'dhik-chik-dhik-chik' songs. One is called remix, the other is called unplugged, and they all sound the same.
I suggest you DON'T buy the album.
Even if the songs are available as free mp3's, don't torture yourself with them.
And someone please go and whack Kumar Sanu. please.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Spring Fest 2006 (prelude)

Sunday, January 15, 2006

IIM-C Carpe-Diem 2006

Carpe Diem Prelude

Over the last two years, I had systematically forgotten the gifts that were a part of the guitaring package. The last sweet memory was that of the event ZONASA '03, which boasted of a brigade of architectural delegations. The sweet rhythm or even the sight of the guitar ensured an ensemble of females, who poured attention and love (?) for at most half an hour before they went on to the next attraction. It was a brief 'high', like with tequila. My brain would always know that it was ephemeral, that the females weren't REALLY interested. But I lived those moments consummately. Somehow, I never had an opportunity to do the same for a long time.

Today, after more than two years, I am rediscovering at IIM-C Carpe-diem fest the gifts guitaring provides...

"awwww...you play the guitar ?"
"FIFTH year ???? you look like a second year..."


and the annoyance too...

Carpe Diem - Favourite Moment

-- "Is it possible that you have a crush on her ?"
--"NOOO...No. I don't think so. No....Ya...Maybe..."

Carpe Diem - Favourite Show

The Play CUT performed by the IT-BHU team

I was quite happy to learn that this play had been performed in KGP quite a few times. I was even more thrilled with the fact that I had missed every single performance. The ambience of the IIM-C auditorium, the magnanimity of the space, the lights streaming from 'up there', can't be captured or experienced through words. Add to that a great theatrical act, and life immediately sweetens up. The carpe-diem experience was briefly soured by an esoteric play titled 'Sir...Sir..Sarla'. I confess. I didn't get it. There was something about the two hour melodrama involving just three characters that didn't quite interest me. The row of sniggering IITians lulled my fear of stupidity. They all don't get it!

So that's the jist. First Play Bad. Second Play Good.

Carpe Diem - Favourite Spot

They say that the campus has over (or exactly) seven lakes. I have neither counted, nor visited all of them. Just a couple of them are enough to seduce a visitor. A night spent chatting at the steps of the auditorium, a stroll along the lake, a breath garnished with pure mist can turn any nature cynic into a romantic. I did it the in 2004. I repeated it in 2005. This year, I rushed from KGP in the evening and I hopped on to the 12 C/A1 Howrah bus at 9pm so that I could absorb that atmosphere in 2006....totally worth it.

Carpe Diem - Canteens

I found a novel concept at this campus - a TT table juxtaposed with a canteen/mess. There is a slight danger of the ball landing up in gravey, or the irksome task of recovering an astray ball from under the dining tables. But the combination is killing. A sports goof like me ended up playing eight matches back to back (Yes. I lost all of them. But that's not the point). There is something about charging oneself up with chai and draining it all in singles or doubles. Loved it.

Carpe Diem - Worst Moment

I have a video in my possession that clearly proves that I have the potential to go besuraa. It broke my heart to see myself struggling with Aerosmith, and failing to reach that note. My unshakeable confidence in music has buckled this week. It'll take a lot more practice to tell a female I go crazy, crazy, crazy for you baby....

Carpe Diem - Goodbye

Awwww....This is the last IIM-C fest I'll attend as an under-graduate. Being a UG student gives me the right to act goofy, immature, smile a lot and be confused about the future. I can't imagine having the same kind of fun while doing a PG course.
"amm yes. The stock market is bullish. And I feel that...Yeeee...Pentagram shuru ho gaya..."

Thank you IIM-C for spicing up my life for 3 years.

Monday, January 02, 2006

B.L.A.C.K.I

" And his alphabets will not started with A, B, C, D, E ..
.....but with B, L, A, C, K..and I"
B - Bangalore
L - Lucknow
A - Ahemdabad
C - Calcutta
K - Kozhikode
I - Indore

Need the world and a half's support for the next stage.
Pray for me :)