Friday, April 28, 2006

April 28

The final semester was not meant to be so hectic. I thought days would gently transit from one to another.

I thought I'd be able to soak in the spirit of youth in January - jive in Spring Fest, Carpe-diem.

I wanted to enjoy the dying winter of February ;

I would have loved to breathe in the caressing breeze of March - when kgp is at it's best. hall days, music, theatre...

I wanted to make whimsical trips to Harrys/Cheddis - enjoy the company of those who tinkled my brain.

I couldn't do any of the stuff above. Or enjoy them when they were happening.

My mind has forgotten how to relax. I am permanently in the 'interview' mode. Do well. Speak well. Write well.

My hall presented me a Best-Soccult award - I didn't feel happy. And it wasn't indifference either. The alarming fact was my brain said, "It's ok. Nothing great. Maybe there is something better you can aim for."

Music is thankfully still free from all this. I listen to what I want to. And I am loving it:)

Movies have become items to be intelligently appraised. I've seen over eight movies in the last few days. And I enjoyed only one. And I suspect it was the music of 'Walk the Line' that did it. Not the cinematic experience.

Novel reading has reduced to a trickle. I read news. economy. george bush. and stuff I don't understand. I read blogs too. But again, I don't enjoy them. I think I am evaluating them. Have they written it well ? language..composition...

CAT has killed four whole months of my life. I know where I am headed. Life's set. Life's good...Then why the hell am I perked up ? Wonder when I'll relax again. Because IIM's surely not going to help.....

kya karen ka kya na karen ye kaisi mushkil bhai...

Saturday, April 22, 2006

They're watching you

The annoyance has been brewing within me for almost two years. Back then, this is how I felt about Orkut -

****
Then there is the thing, and the other thing, next to that one. Its called Orkut (oh..so cute...kya pyaara naam hai...just like my dog you know...you know na...Dog, matlab Dog Biscuit..Orkut, Biskut )....See, contradictory to what many of the people think here, I believe it serves no purpose. Yes, you can still add me as a "friend", I am game. But it is pretty ridiculous. Why ? Let us analyse this sex-wise :

The Guys - See, its back to the "mine is bigger than yours" phenomenon. With Yahoo msgr, life is much easier since nobody can gauge the exact number of people added on your list. Who really wants idiots on the friends list sending the "Jai Maata Di, send this all" ? They should in fact be on the "Fry & end" list.
So, the average guy suddenly gets the invitation to join Orkut from some dude (level of friendship irrelevant, as you will see later). When he finally finishes filling up the incosequential questions and unwanted information, he lands up with a round figure of ONE as his total number of friends.
The guy panics, explores and manages to add SOME of the people he already knows..phew ! Up to a respectable 28 ! Thank God !

Then, his "friend" drops this icky-sweet testimonial on his head -- "The sweetest guy you will meet. Soooo nice, you know...great body, great butt...yes...only sometimes he gets angry...He plays guitar, squash, tennis..helps the blind and the poor". If the process of scrounging for friends was hard enough, then this was the limit. Shit..now the dude has to think up something nice for him /her....The stuff out there is so cheesy, you'd think the world is made of Mother and Father Teressas (no offence).

Just bcoz u ticked an extra purpose as "dating women", no female is going to jump at you. The communities (as of now), seem dead. All you can do for timepass is look at the pretty webcam photos, and keep on adding people till you get sick of it. Some say we can use it to search for Old Friends. And I say - Bull****.

Face it boys, Foreign Middle East ki bandi nahi milegi tumhe...The Indian ones were anyway out of reach. The obsequious banter never worked in YMsgr. I have no pretty hopes for Orkut.

The Girls - Well, I am not really sure. Any fundaa I try to throw up will be squashed by everyone - 'Tujhe kya pataa ?'. As seen in most of the activities (except Gitte and Stappu), the number of females participating in Orkut are fewer.
I think with the hundred courageous guys trying to add them up in kgp itself, the other problems will seem pretty bleak...Good Friend, Best Friend, Bad Friend, Idiotic Chipku....What the hell do they mean anyway ???
****


After so many months of Orkuting, I've finally begun to respect this thriving system, this e-being. It has successfully delivered to me a few old school mates. Good boy ! Here's a biskut....Wait a minute...What are doing ? What is this ? ? Bad boy...Bad boy...

I hate to tell you this. But Orkut has stuck a bright light on your butt. You don't believe me, do you ? Well, here's the proof :



Do you realize the catastrophic implications of this 'development' ? My heart goes out for all my fellow Orkut creeps. There is no way they can satisfy their meandering lust anymore. One's anonymity was the greatest asset in Orkut. For a general dosage of humour, females, timepass, all we had to do was set out on an aimless journey. A bit of Brazilian beauties ; those unbelievably moronic profiles of 'Ritesh Sharma' and 'Manoj Kumar' ; That girl who might be your schoolmate (of course she is not). If the average OC (orkut creep) couldn't muster enough courage+creativity to come up with a good one-liner scrap, he could peruse the profiles, and hit again on a later day. But now, he will inevitably leave a stinky trail. He has to perform at his best. everytime. It's now or never.

Henceforth, we'll have to totally re-evaluate our Orkut paths.
- You like that female's photo album ? Well, not more than one visit per week.
- You love your cool senior's profile ? You can't land up again ! You just visited it yesterday.
- You already landed up on your friend's profile ?? Scrap ! Scrap ! That's the only way out. Who visits the neighbourhood without dropping by ? Use the standard templates -'nice pic', 'happy birthday', 'abe kya chal raha hai' ...phew !

I don't know where I am headed,
But you know where I've been,
Afreen Afreen, Afreen Afreen...


An occasional blip on a stranger's radar is acceptable. Because one does tend to lose one's way in this confusing networking system. But think carefully, before you click that familiar smiling face.

Remember : they are watching you.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Think BIG !

- "Where are you headed ?"
- "I am going to the Madan Mohannn Malv...zzzzZZ"

Some whacky brains up there are subtly ruining our IIT experience. The masters of astro-physics, of politics, somehow goof up when it comes to such a simple task. While the youth struggles to shorten their names (Harminder to Harry, Aditya to Adi); typ lik dis & dat, the authorities consistently struggle to achieve the exact opposite. Isn't this annoying ?

A modest analysis :

1951
IIT Kharagpur receives it's first three halls in quick succession. They undoubtedly have the best names among all the halls. And this isn't foolish PAN tempo. Just try saying it out loud :

PA-TEL (2 syllables)
NEH-RU (2 syllables)
A-ZAD (2 syllables)

1954
Three years later, the authorities got a little whackier. Two new halls were plopped onto the IIT Campus.

RAJENDRA PRASAD (5 syllables) - Which had to be shortened to RP
RADHA KRISHNAN (4 syllables) - Which had to be shortened to RK

1967
I don't know what did it - lack of sense, 'mine is bigger than yours' crisis. But the nomenclature just got sillier.

JAGDISH CHANDRA BOSE (5 syllables) - It's called JCB
LALA LAJAPAT RAI (6 syllables) - It's now called LLR, or Laloo

1998
Fifty years of humidity completely blanked out the brains up there. A new international standard hostel (ha ha !) was completed in 98. And it was boldly named : HOMI JAHANGIR BABA (7 syllables) - It's now awkwardly called HJB. In normal conversations, students either swallow the J or the B...sigh...Could things get worse ? Oh yes !

2005
How could authorities top a hall name with SEVEN syllables ? Could a more glorious and bombastic name be actualized ? Well, the alumni and the old old aged professors got together, and came up with this :

PANDIT MADAN MOHAN MALVIYA (8 syllables) - The student body is struggling with abbreviations like MMM (that's an extremely uncomfortable 3 syllable word. try it !), or triple-M (again, 3 syllables).

sigh... The girls hostel extension will probably be named RANI LAXMI BAI ! IIT will sprout at least 2-3 more hostels for the increased student intake. And you know where all this is headed...

When I step out of this domain of IIT Kharagpur, I can see the same madness everywhere. About ten years ago, one of the busiest stations in Mumbai, had a lovely name - "Victoria Terminus". Then the authorities decide to impose 'Indian Culture' onto a beautiful Gothic structure and renamed it to "Chatrapathi Sivaji Terminus". People still call it VT. Probably a crore would have been spent in making the necessary administrative changes. What a waste !

Post-Kargil battle, NOIDA municipality decided to pay respect to Late Lt. Vijayant Thapar (belonging to the same city) by renaming one of the arterial roads to reflect his name. They could have called it VT marg, or Thapar Marg. But they had to paint all 32 Letters. It is called 'Late Lt. Vijayant Thapar Marg". You can imagine how many people refer to it by the same name.

I am sure I'll love whatever Pandit MMM did (once I read about it). Homi J Baba would have been an excellent Indian citizen. I know Shivaji ji did great things for our nation. But is this the right, and ONLY way to thrust their legacy onto us ? Can't those who will this, find a more effective and less intrusive way to effect it ?

Are you listening ?

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Results

IIM A for Aaya nahi
IIM B for Bhagaa diya
IIM C for Cut gaya

I am headed for IIM L.
sigh....

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Best of Seinfeld 3

|| There's something very insincere about these greeting cards we send back and forth to each other all the time. They're like these little one-dollar folded paper emotional prostitutes, isn't it? "I don't know what my feelings are, so I'll just pay some total stranger a buck to make up this little Hallmark hooker to do the job for me. So I can go, 'Yeah, I didn't write this, but whatever they wrote, I think the same thing." ||

JERRY
All right. How 'bout this one: let's say you're abducted by aliens.

GEORGE
Fine.

JERRY
They haul you aboard the mother ship, take you back to their planet as a curiosity. Now: would you rather be in their zoo, or their circus?

GEORGE
I gotta go zoo. I feel like I could set more of my own schedule.

JERRY
But in the circus you get to ride around in the train, see the whole planet!

GEORGE
I'm wearin' a little hat, I'm jumpin' through fire.. They're puttin' their little alien heads in my mouth..

JERRY
[resigned] At least it's show business..

GEORGE
But in the zoo, you know, they might, put a woman in there with me to uh.. you know, get me to mate.

JERRY
What if she's got no interest in you?

GEORGE
Well, then I'm pretty much where I am now. At least I got to take a ride on a spaceship.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Krishna, Radha and all that....

*Intellectual conversation at 2:30 a.m on the IIT LAN(censored & abridged) *

DC++ peculiarities :
* Conversation is not linear. Multiple strings follow simultaneously.
* It takes very little provocation to garnish lines with expletives (hence it took a lot of clean up to make this presentable).
* '11' is a geeky form of the cool smiley :) It's weird. bear with it.

BUHAAA : SFI is everywhr whr thr is an IIT...... :)
mask : 11
mask : SFI is thr even in US
BUHAAA : nope yaar its serious.........u kno SFI = sexually frustrated IITians??
camou : Who said iitians are se.xually frustrated
mask : then u r a bandi , right?
BUHAAA : well u kno better of urself )
camou : u are se.xually frustrated doesnt mean others are also se.xually frustrated
BUHAAA : 11
camou : all of my wingmates have done it
camou : in fact i am the only guy who didnt do it yet
camou : but still i am not frustrated
BUHAAA : camouflaged still fighting hard to hide his frustration :)
Aloo : :-))

(Enter star player, KUMAR)

Kumar : ne gal around???????
mask : camou must be from ISKON, they are always frustraed
BUHAAA : 11
camou : sala iskon ki *** **....
camou : buhaaa is iskonite
5Dim : ISCKON suxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kumar : R u Mad?
camou : my dear frnds
camou : u need not sleep with gals every night

( some brief sexually brisk exchanges...)

Kumar : ISKCON is great
Kumar : ISKCON is really great
BUHAAA : 11
'Aloo' : abe tu bahut bada ******* hai @kumar :-))
camou : 11
Kumar : Dont speak rubbish ignorantly
pappu : kya baat hai KUMAR ...jeevan ka tatva bataa diya..
'Aloo' : bhai kumar load mat ley yaar
camou : buhaaa shayad tu (some uneditable stuff)....
BUHAAA : camou u r really one true SFI
camou : kumar is ******* iskonite
BUHAAA : only they can speak like that :))
Kumar : U people dont know what ISKCON is doing
BUHAAA : iskon hall??
BUHAAA : which 1 is that?
pappu : jo log aaj IIT ki bandi log ko nahi 'taade' hain ...sirf wohi log SFI ke concept ke against bol sakte hain...

(Here comes the philosophy...)
Kumar : Even foreigners are following ISKCON knowing the right thing.But we.....
LORD : hehehe SFI... who coined SFI
admin : cool hai
admin : :))))
BUHAAA : n i'm th proponent :)
pappu : Foreginers are morons. They like to DOPE @ISCKON temple and think they are achieving nirvaana
camou : they do and i am sure u have read the infamous stories of your beloved maharajs
pappu : even curt cobain used to dope. hence proved.
pappu : saala....Krishna bhagwaan ke paas radha and 100 other hot babes...aur hamaare paas kuch nahi...
BUHAAA : 11 @pappu
pappu : this is bullshit...krishan ko DHAAPO ..uski pooja mat karo
Kumar : ISKCON is enlightening people about real aim of life.
pappu : and pray, what is the REAL aim , KUMAR ?
camou : the so-called iskonite monks are always accused of se.xually harassing and molesting the young guys who intend to join iskon
camou : they are all paedophiles
Rambo : ISCON shd supply radha & hot Gopiyaan to KGP
camou : yes
'Aloo' : :-))
pappu : yes...a bit SAFFRON bikinis should bring in some crowd...kya kehte ho KUMAR ji ?
camou : mr kumar u think abt what ur beloved krishna did
camou : krishna and radha and rest of the gopiyas set a glaring example of how we should spend our lives
camou : i wish i was born in that time
pappu : what crap...just imagine if you were BALRAAM or some guy next door to Krishna
pappu : he would go out with all bandis....aur tum BLUE kapde pehen ke HULLL chalaate..
Kumar : Its love that was between Radha and Krishna.not anything materialistic
pappu : LOVE maane ?
camou : wow really???
camou : love means se.x
'Aloo' : krishan kare to rasleela.....hum karein to character dhella...:-)
Kumar : Radha is form of Krishna's happiness.
pappu : all your thoughts currently are and will stem from S.EX. unless you ..
pappu : just screw Raadha once...phir sab sahi ho jaaega.

(Entry - the morons, stage left...)

LORD : who is radha
pappu : abe...ek SNite hai
LORD : year??
camou : yeh sala lord to accha ******* hain
pappu : arre...she was born in 2500 BC...thodi boodhi hai..
tkb : fachi hai kya ?
tkb : abe ye radha fachi hai kya ?
pappu : yes. she is searching for true happiness....lekin uske choice ka koi 'elective' nahi hai
tkb : dept ?
pappu : Dept of IS-KON-KON-Dept-dhoondoge-nahi-milegi
tkb : sahi re pappu
3333 : aabe pappu chup kar saale
tkb : yo pappu
camou : abe chhod de pappu... kumar bhag gaya.

** Please note I am not Kumar.