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Showing posts from 2010

Negi and Iyer's (expected) african adventure

Currently on an African Adventure: Dec 23 to Jan 10.

I'll resume blogging in January. Enjoy the video!

I'm sorry, What's your name?

I admit that we Indians do look alike. I have elaborated about this earlier, and it's a fact I've come to accept. Till recently I also had a strong belief, that once you got to know us Indians, viewed our facebook profiles, talked to us, understood our problems - you would begin to view us as distinct individuals.

All that changed yesterday.

I stood there at 4pm, fretting in front of Bread Talk, waiting for Varun. The poor guy was dragging his holiday suitcase all the way to Novena Bread Talk to pick up my house key. (Varun is the other guy in the picture - the one on the left. Yes we are not twins). Since I couldn't reach him by phone, we both could only rely on gross miscommunication for aligning on the venue and time.

Varun didn't show up for 5min. And I had an equally important chai break to attend. So right then it struck me that a standard movie ticket procedure could also work at Bread Talk.

So I went to the Bread Talk counter and waited. "Welcommmmme", al…

Escape from Wynberg-Allen

(based on an incredulous true story)

Ankit, Parvesh and Sudeep stared calmly at the boundary wall. It loomed well above their heads, juxtaposed with daunting iron gates with spikes as sharp as ever. They had been planning their escape plan for over 72 hours. It was a crisp, air-tight plan. Their less audacious friends inside the walls had decided to support finances for the endeavour in any way they could. 'Let these three breathe and enjoy the air outside on our behalf', they thought. The pooled in money from their pockets added up to Rs.130, barely enough for survival for 24 hours once they achieved their escape. They had packed lightly too - barely some clothes and toiletries to survive the world outside.

With as much pomp as the system would allow them, the group bid farewell to their three friends. Soon, it was time.

The dinner bell rang sharp at 7pm. This was the moment. As per the plan, while all the others marched towards the dining hall within the prescribed 30 seconds, …

Coffee Spills: A Guide to managing the aftermath

I'd be lying if I said it took me a whole 10 months to spill another drink in the office. I'd blame the previous incident which happened last November on the agency folks, the overwhelming number of hand shakes required in the meeting and partially, Lipi. There have been other social etiquette mishaps, some uncomfortable faux pas. But none were quite as power packed as what happened today at 1.50pm. And this time I can only blame it on my zealous efforts in completing a critical report which would eventually build the company's business and enhance shareholder value (HR, please note).

There are some key things you need to remember to be an expert at managing coffee spillages:

In your unending days of corporate life, some of you will surely encounter situations where you have coffee simulatenously dripping from the desk, your laptop and your trousers. At that moment, it is not important to ponder over how you have gotten …

E8208236 - My Passport to Love

At 10.30pm tonight I received a frantic call from my angelic neighbour's father. (If you have forgotten/not read the previous story, you might want to read that first). He was hoping to use the scanner we have at home urgently for some documents. Having no reason to act otherwise I readily agreed. A few minutes later he entered our home with what I thought was some official government document that he required urgently in soft-copy.

But it wasn't. It was Aisha's passport xeroxes which she had politely persuaded her father to send across to her via email at 10.30 in the night. Some may choose to this as a daughter imposing unnecessary expectations on her father. But I chose to see it as a shining sign of stunning leadership, pro activeness and mesmerising spunk.

As the uncle handed the passport xeroxes to me, all I could see was 3 pages which captured the essence of Aisha. Her beautiful skin evident even in the callously xeroxed BW document at 150Dpi. Her history, her path to…

When Life Offers you Balloons

(Dedicated to Chetna, Indian Ocean and Helium)

There is something fascinating about balloons. They are free spirited, cheerful and fun. And here I am clearly referring to Helium balloons. Not the lame CO2 balloons that my generation had put up with in all childhood birthday parties. You'd waste copious amounts of breath getting them filled up. You'd need to find strategic high places in the room to tie them up to make them look fun. If left unattended, they'd just sink to the bottom, hiding under the chairs. There's never a bad time to have silly regrets - So here goes: I wish I had helium balloons in my birthday parties while I was in School. More kids would have flocked to my party and the surge of popularity would have changed my personality forever. I'd have grown up with a cool title like 'That Balloon Dude'...

Anyway, I'll sort out my life issues later. This is about cooler Helium Balloons and the lessons in life you can learn from them. Because of …

Spreadsheets: A Guide to Arranged Marriages

I have faith that being peculiarly curious about the Arranged Marriage process without being involved in it presently gives me an unbiased picture. As I even begin to put down the first few words of this article, the potential ironical twists that could happen as a consequence fascinate me.

Scene1 - In an year from now, a prospective marriage partner gets redirected to my blog by my dad, who as a proud creator of this offspring would unconditionally considers it as a Point of Difference. The girl, thoroughly repulsed by the sheer volume of thought I've put into this subject, rejects me as a candidate. And my hours of thoughts on the arranged marriage process, meant to get it right, fails to work for me.

Scene2 - A prospectice marriage partner, who hypothetically say was 'The One' or 'One of the ones', stumbles upon this blog article. Adopting this methodology, she proceeds to screen all candidates based on the criteria mentioned below. And my profile on tamil-matrimo…

Served with Love and a Cup of Chutney

Bus rides in India are a curious experience. And here I am referring to those long bus rides spanning a few hours, across states or involving at least one loo break. Delhites may refer to their cramped DTC / Blueline rides as an experience too. Since I completely missed out that delightful nugget of Delhi, I can only empathize with fellow Delhites and nod my head with fake compassion when they rant about the sweat, the heat and the occasional budding love affairs with Delhi creeps.

I prefer buses with aggressively tinted windows. This ensures that the passengers of non-airconditioned buses at least think that we are having a more comfortable ride. Superlatives in the bus name like Video Coach, Luxury, Deluxe, Super-Deluxe also helps me believe that this indeed is royal treatment. These buses also have mighty air conditioning that helps justify the ticket cost. And of course there is the Free Movie screening.
Now unlike inflight entertainment which involve personal screens and headphones…

Because Friends Don't Share Everything

Dear Tata Docomo Brand Manager

This is in reference to your latest commercial on air - "Because Friends Share Everything."

I speak on behalf of the entire (Indian) male community. We friends do not share underwears with each other. You seem to have taken the phrase 'Chaddi Buddies' too literally.

If you remember your days from college, before you rapidly clawed your way up the corporate ladder, there were certain things you borrowed and many that you didn't. And underwears fall in the second category.

The flowchart for our underwear usage is as follows:

Phase1: Note dwindling stock of fresh underwears

Phase2: Run out of fresh underwears

Phase3: Repeat underwears

Phase4: Wear Underwears inside out

Phase5: Stop wearing underwears

We'll end up washing them anywhere between Phase1 to Phase5 depending on our endurance. There are other strategies for Underwear Conservation like Alternate Day Wear-out, Reserve Bad Elastic/Excessive Holes Stock and Replenish with New Inventory

If only these could be put to good use...

- The ability to identify a F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode by watching just a few frames- Guessing the mystery killer / twist in the movie 10 minutes before it is revealed - Looking good in a leather jacket - An intense dislike for Shahrukh Khan - Google Wave - Claiming that one can identify if a girl is a virgin just by looking at her (true story) - Singing pyaar hume kis mod pe le aaya loudly in a college party - Quoting Seinfeld in seemingly appropriate situations - Being 3 times stronger/cleaner/sharper/brighter/more effective/ - College tshirts with the college name plastered in an obscenely large font size - Late comebacks - Additional unnecessary bullet points

Joong-joong: And the way couples are...

Joong-joong: A couple's tendency to break into an tangential conversation, indifferent to the context or situation, which can last from a couple of seconds to an intense minute. It is a onomatopoeic word inspired from clanking of two giant metal plates. As the mind wanders to escape a couple's twitter, this is the visual that often fills one's thoughts.

Currently the word does not have a present continuous form like 'joong-joonging'. But we are working on it.

Couples joong-joong all the time. They joong-joong when they are out for dinner with friends. They joong-joong about dinner. They joong-joong about ordering dinner. You get the drift... The details couples dwelve into while doing joong-joong are quite often irrelevant to the others. But for some reason the couple will find it imperative to resolve it right then. This behaviour has amused me for a while now. Here is my theory on the Top 3 reasons for it. Couples reading this can help me with the other causes. Oth…

Generic Indian Guy

December 10th 2009

Dear Generic Indian guy,

I saw you today for the first time at the bus stop. It bothered me yet again that I have so many replicas in this world. We aren't that different you know - Both around the age of 25, slaves to our laptops, mildly satisfied with life, at the start of a long, loathsome journey called a career which will end with either one's own demise or that of capitalism. Good luck with all that.

December 15th 2009

Dear Generic Indian Guy,

I noticed you in greater detail today. Yes as we made eye contact, I could have said Hi. But I didn't. I have my reasons for that, which I shall confess here at a later stage. By your looks you remind me a few friends of mine. An ambitious centre partioned hair plastered down with conservative dollops of oil. An apologetic belly nudging its way out of the safe perimeter of the belt. A laptop bag strapped a little too high to look classy. Eyes glazed lost in thoughts of some inconsequential matter in the larger sch…