Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Because Friends Don't Share Everything

Dear Tata Docomo Brand Manager

This is in reference to your latest commercial on air - "Because Friends Share Everything."

I speak on behalf of the entire (Indian) male community. We friends do not share underwears with each other. You seem to have taken the phrase 'Chaddi Buddies' too literally.

If you remember your days from college, before you rapidly clawed your way up the corporate ladder, there were certain things you borrowed and many that you didn't. And underwears fall in the second category.

The flowchart for our underwear usage is as follows:

Phase1: Note dwindling stock of fresh underwears

Phase2: Run out of fresh underwears

Phase3: Repeat underwears

Phase4: Wear Underwears inside out

Phase5: Stop wearing underwears

We'll end up washing them anywhere between Phase1 to Phase5 depending on our endurance. There are other strategies for Underwear Conservation like Alternate Day Wear-out, Reserve Bad Elastic/Excessive Holes Stock and Replenish with New Inventory. But this letter isn't meant to educate you about Gen Y's underwear behaviour. Hence I shall not digress.

Simply put, your consumer insights team has convinced you that you've struck gold. You've not. We do not borrow each other's underwears ever.
Also, men do not keenly stare into their (male) friend's butt.

But let me end this on a positive note. I like what you have done with the Telecom industry. You guys ended up making up a lot of money over these years. And crashing the call tariff to 1p/sec is a decent start. I'll patiently wait for another few months before you break the 1p/sec barrier and start paying us for making phone calls.

And here's my bit of Internet Marketing for your brand - "Friends share everything. Share Talktime on Buddynet. Tata Docomo". Some intern who'll wander into your office for a couple of weeks this year might frantically google your selling line to make his 39 slide presentation on Future of Web 2.0 for Tata Docomo. This is my gift to that twit.

And finally as a bonus, here's your jingle expressed on paper. It's not mind numbing at all.

Doo too doo. Doo too Doo. Do do do co co co mo mo co mo co do do co mo mo co co mo do do co mo

Someday, I'd like to meet you and sing it right into your ear like in your 'Friendship Express' commercial. I promise to come well prepared, immaculately dressed in my own underwear.


Thursday, February 11, 2010

If only these could be put to good use...

- The ability to identify a F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode by watching just a few frames

- Guessing the mystery killer / twist in the movie 10 minutes before it is revealed
- Looking good in a leather jacket
- An intense dislike for Shahrukh Khan
- Google Wave
- Claiming that one can identify if a girl is a virgin just by looking at her (true story)
- Singing pyaar hume kis mod pe le aaya loudly in a college party
- Quoting Seinfeld in seemingly appropriate situations
- Being 3 times stronger/cleaner/sharper/brighter/more effective/
- College tshirts with the college name plastered in an obscenely large font size
- Late comebacks
- Additional unnecessary bullet points