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Showing posts from February, 2009

A Guide to Girlie Shopping (by a guy)

Shopping Accomplice

- Get vibrant and excited about shopping vouchers given by the company.

- Plan your whole Saturday around a shopping trip.

- Enter the mall with no shopping requirements. Wander and do 'ooh aah' at the exciting displays.

- Eventually get sucked into a section in the store and start gaping.

- Start the process of excessive deselection, exasperation and confusion.

- When the flirtatious saleswoman says 'Oh, you looking so handsome lah', believe her.

- When the flirtatious saleswoman says that you resemble Barack Obama, believe her.

- Then proceed to check your face in the mirror and feel like Obama. Had you been in the right place and right time with the right pen, you too could have signed off a $789 billion deal.

- Flit from one trial room to another, leaving a trial of unhappy and crumpled shirts and trousers.

- When a bunch of saleswomen nod vigorously at your selection - trust them unconditionally.

- Take your friend's opinion to confuse yourself furthe…

Not me, Please

Guest Post: written by my dad.

Each time I see a lady being proffered a plate or a tray of goodies, I amaze at the complexity of the decision making process before she finally, finally picks one. What is the algorithm and is it consistent? What are the final test conditions that must be met by the selected piece? To me, the process appears to be repeated ‘de-selections’ with some items being left out of the fray at each iteration and the active group narrowing down, gradually. Sometimes, discarded elements may again be brought into contention and thus increase the available choices for the next iteration. The criteria for selection / rejection are beyond my comprehension. Like the one applied to pick one from a box of twenty identical foil covered Swiss chocolates, which process may last many minutes

Offer the plate to a man and the item closest to him will be picked up without a second’s gap in the conversation. With a lady, the focus on selection is total. Sometimes it is intertwined …

Mini Valentine Disaster

It is just a matter of expectations.

We, the chummy male company enriched, happy go lucky, sniggering, T-shirt wearing, loud desis are so devoid of pink activities, of romantic outings, of red ribbon gifts, that any odd occurrence in that zone leads to energetic conversations. This behaviour has been in place since we were thirteen, and shall continue till the last one in our circle gets married. After that, we will still get excited by unexpected banter with the ladies, but there would be no bachelor male circle to dissect it.

This one was not a major disaster. Compared to previous incidents involving females, it was a faux pas lasting just a few lines. But then, most flirtatious disasters occur in the same span of time. The girl involved in this mini-drama is exceedingly cute. While the other attendants at the gym reception are grumpy, indifferent or worse- male, she is outstanding. Her heartfelt small talk makes one elated about one's decision to visit the gymnasium. She remember…

Are you boring your friend Pinky?

Scenario 1: It is your birthday. Everytime you check your mail, it updates you about new terse Facebook wishes sent by people in your friend list. On the same day, a few friends instead send you a personal mail with wishes. Do you:
a) Prefer the gratuitous scraps
b) They both mean the same to you
c) You like the personal mails more

Scenario 2: From your updates, you discover your friend Saurabh has messaged Neha. Do you:
a) Jump in right away and drop a small scrap with three word sentences
b) Ignore the update and check if people have sent you scraps
c) Make a note of it and send Neha/Saurabh a personal mail later

I am not collating scores for this miniature questionnaire. I am sure the ideal answers were obvious to you. If you got answer (c) for both, then 100 points to you! My intention is not to undermine your current social networking behaviour. We make conscious choices on how to spend time online in interacting with our friends. Our activities span across the range in the graph above. …

The darker side of Hong Bao

A few days after the Chinese New Year, I was feeling euphoric for having received oranges in return for our special gift to the neighbours (For those who didn't read the previous post, I was victimized by our neighbour's little girl, who mercilessly snatched my gift of a dozen oranges, leaving me stranded for her own material pursuits...).

Apart from an orange couple, we also received a box of chocolates and a red envelope with money called Hong Bao. The correct pronunciation sounds like Ong Pao. The easy route to receive Hong Bao is to be born as Chinese (which is unlikely now if you aren't one) or to schmooze your way into a Chinese family by gifting them (like we did). The alternative mafia method is to perform excruciating auditory torture. Let me introduce you to the darker side of Hong Bao, which literally translates to "I beg you, please stop playing that!"

By tradition, New Year celebrations run for around 15 days. Over the last two weeks, I from our apartm…

The song remains the same

Things haven't changed much in my life between the time when I was 4 and now at 24.

The day would begin with an elaborate toilet routine. That has remained the same, though it is predominantly unsupervised now.

The first activity that was looked forward to Back then it was served to me, now I spend some time preparing the breakfast, and invest a long time in relishing it.

The day would be uneventful, enjoyed nevertheless. I would back then sleep at the slightest opportunity. Now in between work, I browse Failblog, Youtube and some unproductive websites whenever I get a chance. The highlight is of course our lunch outing.

The evening still remains playtime. As I am told, I would run down to the playground to mingle with more elder people (age 7-10). There would be multiple groups, playing games with their own bats/balls. Energized, I would choose to run with a randomly selected kid, pretending to be participating in a race/chase. I would sporadically change the objective of…

Verbal B.O.

The earliest sources of this malady can be traced back to texting (SMSing) and chat forums. What were once oddities and spelling quirks have now turned into a cancerous phenomenon. Like an illness with a predilection for younger age groups, this terrible symptom of abbreviating words and mangling sentences is seen frequently in my generation and in extreme majority in teens born in the 90s. My cousins and their friends now throng on orkut/facebook, rambling about themselves and others using this inane form of communication. When I browse such profiles and emails I am left with a throbbing headache and annoyance.

It's not cool. It's not a fad. It's a disease.

Have I tried to bring about change? Yes, at an individual level I have frequently expressed my concern for poor spellings. In turn I have received a spectrum of reactions ranging from indifference, annoyance to strong retorts. Hence I found a curious similarity to another affliction.

So here's my explanation to the in…