Monday, December 26, 2005

Best of Seinfeld 2

[1]
Jerry and George sit in a booth, discussing the previous night. George fingers his chin thoughtfully.

GEORGE: The same outfit?

JERRY: The exact same outfit.

GEORGE: How many days was it between encounters.

JERRY: Three.

GEORGE: Three days. Well, maybe you caught her on the cusp of a new wash cycle. You know, she did laundry the day after she met you, everything got clean and she started all over again.

JERRY: Possibly, but then shouldn't the outfit only reappear again at the end of the cycle?

GEORGE: Maybe she moved it up in the rotation.

JERRY: Why? It's our first date, she's already in reruns?

GEORGE: Very curious.

JERRY: Indeed.

GEORGE: You know, Einstein wore the exact same outfit every day.

JERRY: Well, if she splits the atom, I'll let it slide.

[2]
(Setting: Monks Cafe. George and Jerry are sitting across from each other)

GEORGE: Let me ask you something. When you go into a store, does it bother you that they make the security guard just stand there all day?

JERRY: No.

GEORGE: See, didn't bother Susan either. That's why I'm different. I can sense the slightest human suffering.

JERRY: Are you sensing anything right now?

Friday, December 23, 2005

1980---85

Our generation barely experienced the television revolution. Lucky ones, like moi, had cable TV since class 6th. (don't squirm please - no smugness intended).But most of us only briefly soaked the beauty of Friends and Philips Top 10 before we were whisked away for our graduation. School stuff didn't have anything to do with cable television. We were the captive audience for the broadcasters of Doordarshan - Chandrakanta, Alif - Laila, Mahabharat and similar shows had its fan base in the 80's kids. In retrospect, these seem like terrible productions, with archaic quality and sluggish storylines. But we loved them. I remember my friend dressing up as Kroor Singh for some function (I of course, being the non-DD-kid, found it to be quite uncool).

Email, internet, mobiles and the whole networking phenomenon completely missed us. Life had school friends. Life had neighbourhood pals. Some were common, and I couldn't have cared less about that fact. We shared lunches, punches and cricket games. Contacting someone meant cycling/walking up to their house. I don't have a single memory of calling up friends from my place for any reason. The phone was expensive. period. When we shifted to a new place, we bid farewell. Sure, addresses were exchanged with the pretty females (where are you Anshumala, Neha Jolly, Neha Sharma, Ruchika,,,,). But letters were tedious and unmanageable for a teenager who was busy making new friends in a new school/place. So I simply started all over again. After 12 years of schooling in over half a dozen institutes, I am left with 15 odd contacts, most of them being from high school. It'll be a miracle if I find my old buddies later in life. 1985+ of course have had gmail,email and airtel at their disposal. Pretty lucky, I must say...

The transition, or the first experience of english music is always special for a hindi-bred Indian. For majority of us, this experience happened in the last few years of school life. A few popular and common numbers are :

Aqua - Barbie Girl
Backstreet Boys - Everybody
Boyzone - Words
Macarena

Our generation wasn't about MP3's and illegal music. We quitely and systematically exchanged tapes to share our music. Custom made collections were revered. Buying 40/- hindi tapes was uncommon. Buying 125/- english tapes was unimaginable. It simply wasn't done. Some hep rich kid would do the good deed, and the 4 minute masala would trickle down to the have-nots - slowly but surely. The simple song structure and unusual accent seduced even the most ardent hindi song fans...Saturday Night I feel the air is getting high....It has made me swing right now. Somehow, those memories/visuals are etched deeper in my grey cells than what the last five years have offered me. There is this little neuron that perks up when one of those songs are played - Hey, I recognize this one really well. Remember Sameer's birthday party....And visuals start pouring in - clear and fuzzy ones. Thankfully, my brain remembers the fun moments quite well. And how can we NOT have fun with Macarena!

Watching the first western video was also a big deal. The auditory freshness, combined with the new oomph of western culture makes an explosive combo. The colours are different, sexual content is noticeably higher, lyrics incomprehendable and they seem to be having a lot more fun. Any newbie is left flabbergasted, immediately filled an urge to emulate. A teenager's brain captures the frames, movements and details much more efficiently (obviously - a gaping mouth and wide eyes will accept more content). I watched the video of 'Get Down' by Backstreet Boys tonight. My first reaction was goosegumps. Then I started dancing. Amazingly, I knew when exactly Nick (the blonde one) would flick his head and AJ would bawl. My third reaction was to put this all down in words....

I feel the 'music' years of one's life are not the baby years, or the pre-teens. It is wholly and only that brief decade between the age of 13 and 18 that just zips by. The tunes you listen to and appreciate in these years stay with you. After that, your taste buds tend to appreciate only those styles/genre of music. A decade later, these kids pop up, whose music pricks you - and you end up sounding like your dad - 'What crap are you listening to ? Aaj kal ke bacche bhi...'

Boy I love my generation :)

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A Requiem for Moochie

You were great while you lasted
Always looking so falsely plastered
You slowly grew from thin to thick
But not really bushy as I had imagined
Some said UGH! and some said AAH!
And I said to hell with you all

I never knew what to do with you
Did I want to be an Uncle or a coo-chee-poo
Why was it so obnoxious to have a moochie
Was the man symbol not even a bit sexy ?

As you lie there in the sink
It really makes me think
Will I regret this step
Am I enjoying this new chikna look
Questions of this kind
Will only be answered with time
Some will say UGH! and some AAH!
And I'll say to hell with you all

Monday, December 12, 2005

Chachi and me


A twin purchase at Sarojini Nagar Market.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Neal n Nikki

Welcome to Canada.
Step into Van Couver - the land of promiscuous bouncy girls who are eager to jump and jiggle for our hunk Neal.
Hey
I am the Neal
I am the man
rockstar
superstar

For all the pre-hate I had built up for Uday Chopra, his role in the movie turned out to be quite subdued. Well, he did pretend to be a cool-unperturbed-football playing-female magnet. But by the end of the movie, someone had successfully surpassed him in his IQ - Irritation Quotient. And do you want to know who that is ?
She's Nikki Bakshi
Sweet and Sexy
Always Rocking
Hot and Happening

They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I've got another wisecrack for you - The way to a woman's stardom is through her breasts. Meet Tanisha Mukherji. Did she act well ? I have no idea. You see...She was mouthing dialogues. Some might have even made sense. But her clothes were amm...amm...Sadly, that is all we males noticed in the 120 minute brassiere commercial. They were everwhere. I tried. I tried hard not to talk about them. But....
If you think for a second, you'll realize that all the past few entries into Bollywood have done this. Done what ? They sold their 'badan' to the indian audience and then turned to meaningful cinema after a few movies (or at least claimed to do so) - Neha Dhupia, Lara Dutta, Priyanka Chopra and of course Mallika Sherawat. Of course, the last lady has truly accomplished something. And I am not talking about the 9 minute scene in The Myth . She has made kissing a part of the indian melodrama. Sure, the actors appear quite uncomfortable. And the kiss, which seems appropriate in most of the english movies, seems out of place in this film. But hey! At least Shiv Sena isn't tearing down the posters anymore. Whatever happened to good old indian culture ?

All the songs in the movie are jarring. Each giving Miss Nikki a reason to display, flaunt, strut or jiggle. Each song also had valuable rap-inputs, a phenomenon that definitely requires another post. I can't understand what makes the music directors add a line like 'shake your booty' or 'i want you baby' within a bhangra beat number. Lets face it - a majority of the audience doesn't even know what booty is. Most of them are probably awestruck by Miss Nikki's assets. Who cares about the lyrics!

This new urban-hip-indian is going to appear on the screen quite a few times in the coming years. Isn't that the new Indian dream ? To wear good clothes, to swig that mug of beer, to glide in the shopping malls and spend a fortune on the line of girls wooing you. Sadly, the last piece is missing for most of the males out there. There are no such flirting females. No one to call them cute/handsome/crap. No one to whom they can pretend to be chivalrous. And hence Yash Chopra manages to concoct a fantastic dream for this average BPO moron. Well done!

Nice is out. Naughty is in.
Ya right.

Friday, December 02, 2005

AIDS

Please go through this first (thank you Sandeep) : PM at NYL convention
We all know what AIDS is. We, the smooth middle or upper-middle or middle-upper or upper-class of society, blessed with telephones, broadbands and access to the world's information know how deadly it is. We, the public/private/sainik/government school bred population, know that a condom can arrest the spread of the disease...So ?
How does the message penetrate to the groups that need it badly ? How will the sex workers (the profession unfortunately is illegal in our country) learn the basics ? This certainly isn't the medium. There is no bleak possibility of a truck driver, the major customer of this trade (and hence the disease), reading this post. So what can we do ?
I felt exactly the same way after watching Matrubhoomi. It was a commendable effort by the team. But I AM not the perpetrator of these acts. So how did it help the cause, the fact that I (and many other IIT brains) got disturbed after watching the film ? Logically, it seems the vision was to mobilize public sentiments so that it effects stricter laws against infanticide. Well, that certainly hasn't happened. So what can we do ?
A dozen India problems are popping in my head now (all common jargon now) - corruption, poverty, Deve Gowda, population, labour laws.... But if it is of any consequence, I agree with the PM. Let's get our youth out of this AIDS mess first.
So what can I do ?