Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Karzzz - The Review

He holds the guitar like a heavy log crawling with an unspecified number of ants - keeping it straight and uncomfortably separate from the body. There are multiple scenes, where he attempts to look cool and rocking on stage, but just manages to look plain silly.

Every moron who aspires to learn the guitar either begins by strumming DDLJ (Tujhe Dekha) or Karz (Ek Hasina Thi). And even with rudimentary music knowledge they figure out where to play it - lower strings and higher frets. It is ironical that a music director looks so uncomfortable with the guitar and plays absolutely wrong frets; Such a critical thread to the story is so carelessly ignored. It is amusing that Himesh had such consuming obsession with his attitude on stage that a basic detail about the guitar was forgotten. But I guess associating him with music itself would be quite irrational.

Karzz will turn out to be a hit. That is inevitable. Like other bloggers who have seen and posted reviews of the movie - I sat through those 3 hours out of curiousity for nasal boy Monty. And it was worth the experience.

There are a couple of memorable moments in Karzz - Like when the audience witnessed Monty logic - "Tumhare paas kya saboot hai ki tumne Ravi Verma ka katl nahi kiya tha?" (What proof do you have that you did not kill Ravi Verma?)...Or to prove that he is a reincarnated version of Ravi Verma, he spills out a deep secret to Kamini 'You never brush your teeth before having your morning tea.'....Or when Himesh appears serenading, hanging from a helicopter, his nasal voice winning over any drowning noises made by the fan blades. It reinforces a disappointing truth about Indian Cinema - we usually produce ace quality crap, and will do so for a long time.

The Music

Songs are numerous, sporadic and all sung by Himesh. It was tough to judge which one was worst of the nine songs. Thankfully, the storyline is not interrupted by the other 10 remixes that Himesh bhai has concocted (source).

There is one song in which Himesh keeps ranting 'Mashaallah Subhanallah.' Maybe as an attempt to publicly balance his views on both Hindu and Islam religions - there is another one called 'Hari Om'. Here is a snippet from that song that captures the nasal essence of this album.



Another song is titled Tandoori Nights, and you guessed it right - both Himesh and Sunidi Chauhan keep repeating this phrase - 'Tak Tanana Tandoori Nights, Tandoori Nights, Tandoori Nights'. He has also dabbled in some urban-indian form of rap in this, with mutilated pronunciations of words in both Hindi and English -
Tanha Tanha hai dil, Tanha Tandoori Nights,
IiiF loving you is wrong, I don't waannaa be right



The Monty

Himesh's hair has received more treatment in the movie than his role. The first chunk of scenes emit a uniform stench of insecurity. A fantasy of how an unappreciated musician would want the world to swoon over him - crowds are shown chanting his name, girls faint while rocking in his shows, multiple mentions of - "Tu Rockstar Hai" ,"Tumhare jitna bada rockstar aur...". Sir Juda, the Dr.Evil style caricatured villain, who would have seemed a lot more stupid had it not been for Himesh.

Some hard truths for you Himesh:

1. You are not a rockstar. You never came close to being a rockstar. Not in the movie, and definitely not in real life.
2. Sticking out your chest from unbuttoned tees looks grotesque. It's an outdated 80's fashion statement, and even back then it looked stupid.
3. It would serve you better if you transplanted new vocal chords instead of hair. We don't mind the cap, seriously.

[Insults attempt to pierce Himesh's skull, but perish blinded by his Toupee's awesomeness]

Apart from Himesh, the movie also suffers from some chronic Hindi Cinema diseases- having actors exclusively for comic relief, linear characters with single traits (like the villain Sir Juda), actresses purely placed for cleavage or prancing with the Hero (Urmila and Shweta Kumar respectively).

A deep grunting nasal creature who should have stuck to composing music is now starring in lead roles, glorifying himself as a rich, famous, revered celebrity rockstar.

Maybe in your next life Himesh, but not in this turn.


If you liked this, you may also like to read:
Race - Review
Himesh Rant1 - Oooo...
---------------------------------
Other Blogger Reviews:
What the phoonk is Himesh doing(more of a pre-review!)
Karzz - the review (Greatbong)
Jai Mata Di, let's mock (Sayesha)

Image Sources (1,2,3)
---------------------------------

5 comments:

  1. GOSH!!!
    What a brutal review :P
    I understand your felings because I felt the same after Jaane Tu Ya Jaaen Na(Opinions may differ :) )

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeh to dil se nikla hua review hai ekdum!! I haven't seen the movie yet but that is because "mere haathon ki lakeeron mein Himesh Reshamiya ka khoon likha hai"!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rightly brutalized review. I am a fan of old Karz but this one just mocks it.

    Coming to HR being in movies well that is not his fault, there exists a section among us who watches his movies and directors count on him. Just because of his music. Ditch the nasal accent for a while but the guy definitely do make some nice music. May be singing, acting (strictly) is not his cup of tea but then thanks to the audience and our film industry he is not going to learn this.

    PS: Heard some 7 more movies of his are coming, one with Pooja Bhatt production house. When there are actors like Ranveer Shourie, Vinay Pathak ppl like Himesh are being promoted. God knows why! Oh i get it Harieee Ohm Ohm Ohm...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Brilliant Fucking Brilliant is the word for it man.........
    i loved it still cant stop grinning

    cheers

    ReplyDelete
  5. This kills my conceptions about music.
    How can someone watch/ Listen to this!
    Well written, Iyer! After a brave attempt to watch the movie, I completely understand this is the minimum harshness you could produce in its review.

    ReplyDelete