RACE (Movie Review)

A red SUV growls at Bipasha atop a tall parking lot. As it proceeds towards her, a belligerent Saif Ali Khan flies in from the top. At this point of time, you are supposed to be surprised at his reappearance - after all, wasn't he dead? But you cease to care a damn. Being the intelligent bimbo, she decides to run round and round, descending one floor after another. Meanwhile, the killer is supposedly manouvering through the parking lot's pathway, complimenting her intelligent strategy. Saif jumps onto the seat next to the killer, manages to save himself from getting whacked, stabs a knife on the killer, slams the brake in time to prevent Bipasha from getting squished and thrown off the building. She exudes no surprise or relief - like things went smoothly. He moves up close to her, smiles crookedly and says, "Don't worry. Everything is under control."

Sigh...you squirm and wait for the next twist.

As other reviewers have repeatedly complained (check GreatBong), the movie is full of senseless twists. Collusion is ubiquitous and is driven by no apparent advantage.
"Mere XYZ plan hai."
"Mujhe pehle se hi pata tha tumhara XYZ plan hai. Isliye maine ABC kiya."
"Mujhe pehle se hi pata tha tumhe mera XYZ plan pata hai. Isliye maine PQR kiya.."

And after months of planning, deception, and untimely revelry, the final showdown happens sans strategy with a senseless car chase...hmm..Your brother has made two clear and obvious attempts to kill you, and rather them have him die a gruesome death, you want to hear out his lovely reasons for doing so. Lord knows we have imbeciles amongst us, but who the hell asked this duo to concoct such bullshit.

Most of the energy and brains(if any) has been applied to shooting songs independently, which were brashly splattered in the movie, interrupting the storyline. Otherwise time was spent in making the actors look good on screen - not the character, but the actor himself; With pronounced actions (removing sunglasses, adjusting the hair, swiveling) and jittery fast-paced and intermittent slow motion sequences. A strut towards the loo looked like it had grandeur and some ulterior purpose.

This movie suffers from a typical Bollywood phenomenon. A direct translation from Story Outline --> Character Sketches --> Screenplay --> Dialogues/Narration
Hence Akshay Khanna's would have been conceived as a guy who is addicted to alcohol. The narration thus developed for the movie opening is crude and discouraging -"Ye Ranvir Singh hai. Inko Daaru ki aadat hai. Roz subah shaam ye daaru peete rehte hain..."
Just in case the stereotype wasn't rammed in, they have shown Ranvir with a bottle, swigging a peg or two between dialogues. To further insult our intelligence, Saif also stares at the bottle and says, "Kya...tum subah shaam peete rehte ho.."

Every chunk of scene which accidently contributed to the storyline is also followed by a short synopsis, ineptly woven into a scene.
"Maine ye kiya kyonki ....mu ha ha ha..."
"Tujhe laga hoga ki mein nahi samajhta...par maine to pehli hi socha tha ki..."

Maybe the movie should have had subtitles with candid arrows on screen - HE IS GOOD. SHE IS SECRETARY. SHE IS IN LOVE. DON'T WORRY. WE'LL EXPLAIN THIS A DOZEN TIMES. In case you weren't aware Abbas-Mustan, the average moviegoer has crossed the breastfeeding stage two decades ago. Can you afford to treat us a bit more regard!

The Directors have developed a clear business model - rip and rape. Here's what a bit of googling revealed:

Race (2008) - Copy of Goodbye Lover (HIT)
36 China Town (2006) (as Abbas-Mustan) (FLOPPED)
Aitraaz (2004) (as Mustan) - Copy of Disclosure (FLOPPED)
Taarzan: The Wonder Car (2004) - Copy of Christine (FLOPPED)
Humraaz (2002) (as Mustan) - Copy of A Perfect Murder (HIT)
Ajnabee (2001) - Copy of Consenting Adults (AVERAGE)
Chori Chori Chupke Chupke (2001) -(FLOPPED)
Baadshah (1999) - Copy of multiple movies (AVERAGE)
Soldier (1998/II) (as Mustan) - (HIT)
Daraar (1996) (as Mustan) - Copy of Sleeping with the enemy (AVERAGE)
Baazigar (1993) (as Abbas-Mustan) - SUPERHIT

They have been regurgitating indianised Hollywood plots for over 15 years now. And they have the nerve to call themselves as the thriller duo, or suspense kings. This is narcissistic and disgusting.

Screw you.