Sunday, September 20, 2009

Safety First- A Guide to handling chakkas on trains

Last week, for no particular reason, my flatmates and I had an intense discussion on our key tactics for dealing with chakkas in Indian Railways. Any Indian male who dares to claim that he is 'truly' Indian, should have had at least a couple of such experiences when traveling sleeper class. Before I get lectured on Human Equality, or the members of facebook groups 'I love the guys in the middle' and 'Those freaky Chakkas are awesome' bombard me with their wrath, let me state I don't have any particular angst against the chakkas personally. They are a pain to comfortable travel and this guide will help the newbies. It's all with the aim of making the world a better place! (Inspired by the current favourite flowchart meme)


Glossary:
Chikna - Means a clean shaven guy with a skin tone relatively fairer than the average Indian male. The stereotype states that chakkas like chikna people more. This is never been proven and I am sure Human Equality commission hasn't conducted any study on it.

It: Your genitals.

Easily accessible
: When a troupe of chakkas approach the coupe', some guys prefer to pretend sleeping in a foetal position, which raises the risk of getting groped in the other direction. Another option is to scamper up to upper berths, if available. The less fortunate can only hope to act like a zombie and get ignored over other chikna fellows.

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Photo source

12 comments:

  1. "Are you in the mood for a radical experience?" :D
    Choosing the upper berth doesn't always help - believe me!

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  2. Hahahahaha..Arvind this one's truly hilarious! Good flowchart representation..but seriously, is it so bad!!! I haven't seen chakkas being this forward, not with women atleast..i truly feel for the cause of the guy community..n your pearls of wisdom will go a long way fr all/any guys with access to your blog ..rofl!!! :P

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  3. "Diverting attention to another male" always worked for me. I'd point them to some old fella, saying "chacha ji se paise lo, mera paas nahi hain!" :-)

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  4. Too good man!

    Sleeping:body fully covered with 2 layers of chaddar has helped me!

    Anand Vaidya

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  5. Arvind,
    Been through some horrible hide and seeks :P
    It is just NOT a nice feeling :D
    -Nikhil

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  6. Brilliant. As is is most often the case, it's funny because it's true :(

    Having travelled frequently in the Bombay-Chennai corridor, I can personally vouch for the Andhra belt chakkas being the most painful..

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  7. You can negotiate and settle at 10Rs.

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  8. Nice Post! I bet most of us have had their fair share of such encounters.
    For me, being ignorant and acting dead has worked perfectly.
    And if everything fails, then hiding in the loo is the safest bet :D

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  9. Absolutely hilarious post! Loved it. Of course, I've never shelled out a rupee to a chakka nor have i been molested(And this while staying in Hyderabad and commuting Hyd-Chn frequently). I give them such an angry look that they are quite sure I'm ready to get into a fist fight with them :))

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  10. While this is funny, I am amazed how we still live in the age where the transsexuals are subjected to all kinds of inhumane treatment. They are not allowed into mainstream society and are ridiculed by everybody. I wonder how many people when coming face to face with a transsexual actually think about what they must have gone through in their life. If people are made to live just one day of our lives like them, we will never ever make fun of them.
    These people are not employed by anybody. Most forms in India donot have a third option either. Sadly this is the only way they can think of making money to make their ends meet. Not sure how many people remember the scene in the movie Bombay where the kids end up with a eunuch. Touching.

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  11. Allow me to add my 2 cents -
    The following options are usually helpful -
    1) Saying Maaf karo baba aur aage jaao..
    2) Never travel clean shaved - no one calls you Chikna then..
    3) If you are chikna that day, don't flinch if your face is caressed !
    4) Sit with legs crossed - in the X position - saves the pain of looking for a book or a sheet.
    5) look for an easy exit to catch when they enter the compartment..

    Worst routes - Ghaziabad Delhi - early morning..
    Bangalore intersections..
    Mumbai - Chennai via AP.

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  12. Chiknas should hide in the toilets.
    Hehehe,........

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