The Ring of Batman

You may be wondering right now - 'What the hell is Batman doing with a giant key ?' I hope by the end of this I would have put things in perspective and reinforced an important learning of life.

First, some basic assumptions:
- It is normal to seek attention and appreciation.
- Given a choice, a human being would choose something cool like Batman for a keychain over a 'Jai Mata Di' or 'Mamta Enterprises'

In case you disagree with the above two, you can still read ahead. But I warn you - it may offend your value system.

A fortnight ago, I too was living a drab life like you. Luckily, that day I was gifted a Batman action figure inside a nutritious box of Milo Choco Cereals filled with the goodness of wheat(Note: this is not a product placement). The toy could have either adorned a side table in my room, or traveled the world with two cool keys wrapped around its waist. Considering the plastic figurine's feelings, I chose the latter.

As long as it rode in my bag, we had a good time. When I whipped it out on odd days to open the door my flatmates would drool, drowned in envy and admiration.

Little did I know that this Batman packed a punch in its puny fists.

First, there is the issue about its design. The legs and arms have poked an odd number of holes in my pockets. Some loose change does slip out sporadically, but that is pardonable. Its the overall shape which bothers me. We take all the pains to wear the right kind of clothing. As a principle no man wants to publicly have gravid front pockets (For that matter even fat back pockets are avoidable). It would be quite naive' to stick an object in there to ruin the effect. But I try to put up with that fashion statement.

My friend PD has chosen the other extreme and made a web of keychains the size of a tennis ball. It weighs a ton and apparently he hasn't lost any keys since then. I would have to consume a whole lot of cereal to achieve this and hence its not feasible right now.

So it is neither heavy enough to remind me of its absence, nor does the Dark Knight jiggle or clang as a habit - which explains the other issue.

There is an immense possibility while carrying it in my hand that I misplace
it. As it rained heavily this night, I walked in the shade till the tip of our apartment complex. Then I had to dash for the last odd metres to reach the lobby. I wasn't half as wet the first time. When I realized I had left the keys in the shop downstairs prior to my sprint, I cursed Batman, Robin and all his little Justice League friends. The second dash was not that spirited. Batman had let me down. I was drenched in guilt, annoyance and of course water.

I trudged up to the flat and explained the rain incident to my flatmates. They impolitely laughed and mocked Batman. The sound pierced my heart and hurt my little buddy (Bonus points to you if a dirty euphemism popped in your head right now!). I was reminded by them about the foolishness of carrying a giant keychain and was urged to dismantle the whole thing.

As of now, the issue lies unresolved.

I may continue to parade with the same unwieldy contraption, trading daily comfort for that rare blip of surprise in the eyes of the world. Or I can toss it in with the other paraphernalia on my desk, leading to lonely years and an unnoticed demise. It is too painful a decision to make and hence I shall not burden you with my final choice. But I hope from this whole episode, you too have learnt an important lesson of life - 'Size Does Matter'.


  1. Bonus points to you if a dirty euphemism popped in your head after the last line. :-P

  2. You can make a story out of almost anything!!


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