Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Deloitte Series - I

There are quite a few things that have surprised me here at Deloitte.
It was the shiny floors that first flattered me.
Then it was the friendly atmosphere and the supportive colleagues (boss are you listening!)
Then it was the free coffee.
I thought life was going to be bliss.
Then I came across this row of delinquent water taps. Look at these things! Can you imagine suffering attitude from a silvery 'Made in China' crap ?









I think being snubbed by a sink tap is biggest IT Insult ever. Think about it. If its a shiny Lenovo laptop denying you access to worldly databases, fine - I can live with that. There are more transistors on that chip than hair on my head. When an ATM spits out my card refusing to give me money, I don't take it too well. But still, its a money-making machine. I have to respect that. But to be mocked at by these creatures ! Oh the shame, the shame! You can be sure Information Technology is numero uno when it entrenches all the little aspects of your life. When I wave my hands around that machine, wishing it would spout water, I know computers have finally gained control. The ultimate depressant/irritant in life is a tap with a stiff upper outlet.
Somedays I lie in bed wondering about my failures in life. What did I do wrong to institage those red chips ? Why has an army of sink taps turned against me ? I squrim every time these machines refuse to pour out water, while the Sudakshinas and Amritas jeer at me (at least I think they do).

Why must chinese dragon computers get to decide the fate of my soiled hands?Is there any scope for fake rebellion and retro bathroom fittings?

Note: Deloitte refers to one or more of Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu, a Swiss Verein, its member firms and their respective subsidiaries and affiliates. Neither Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu nor any of its member firms has any liability for such moronic opinions. Each of the member is a separate and independent legal entity and we can't believe that after living his life for 22 years this guy spends his time pondering about sinks.

7 comments:

  1. you will fit so well in the corporate culture [:D]...


    ~fellow misfit

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  2. Try to keep your hands away from where they might get soiled!

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  3. (jeer jeer)

    I'm definitely not shaking hands. ;)

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  4. "The ultimate depressant/irritant in life is a tap with a stiff upper outlet."

    Expression to be cribbed in future.
    Enjoyable read.

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  5. nice one...
    but word verification sucks!

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. In certain workplaces, you have to to file a help-desk request saying :
    "Sink taps don't pour water until you put your fingers at a distance less than 1e-32m from the outlet. When pouring, your instinct and joy try to bring their hands down, when at that moment the taps let you down"

    Your request could get closed with:
    "Tap finger distance tolerance altered from 1e-32m to 1e-20m, please verify and get back if it is working. Non reply will assume fixed and the request will be closed. Use sink taps at your own discretion. Try using toilet paper and dry soap instead."

    Mukund

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