Skip to main content

Male Fantasy - Oo La La!

No Intro. No Lies. All truth. Here Goes :
There is this female (who can also be called a lady), who I pass by every day. This bandi (noname.001) marches within the confines of her plot every evening around 6:30p.m. She is young, fair, short, cat-eyed, possibly panju. I eye her from the corner of my eye as she purposefully struts from one corner to the other. Although she isn't the cynosure, she does occupy my mind for those few seconds (minutes) as I pass by her house. Diverting from the crux of the article, I think the walk itself deserves a few lines. She isn't rambling. It isn't a leisured stroll. Instead, she marches towards each respective corner with great ferocity. Driving by everyday and delibrately NOT retarding, I have not been able to decipher her exact expression. I am sure she displays a countenance of sound determination.

I am curious. I know - female, opposite sex, attraction, sex...yada yada yada... I am ready to abnegate all that. She intrigues me (like many pretty females). I wouldn't mind halting near that formidable corner gate and yell out, "Aur ji, kya chal raha hai ?" ( "Whats up ?" is too foreign and "Ki Holo ?" is too Bengali). It requires a great amount of courage and some seeds of stupidity to show genuine interest in someone who marches with such purposefulness. The latter I cultivate in great quantity, while the former I am ready to purchase from China. Just what would be the best way to broach the subject ?

An Ice-cream would be perfect. Not too personal, not too time-consuming. Quite friendly for the common amm...light walleted individual. Maybe a platonic hand-wave would serve as an ice-breaker (in case any of it exists in the sultry Delhi weather). But what kind of a nut-case wearing a crooked helmet and riding a non-Pulsar vehicle greets a stranger ? A false enquiry from an allegedly lost stranger would surely gain the interest of the subject. But sadly, our conversation will limit itself within the boundaries of Nirman Vihar. Our chats many years later would gently revolve around Delhi and its housing settlements. While I may enjoy the repartee as an aspiring architect, once in a while I might long for other delightful discussions. And what about my (our) kids ? Would they sustain the same respect for their father, when they hear the lame incident resulting in the holy matrimony of their parents ? Surely, such kids devoid of love and regard for their parents would grow up to be criminals of great nuisance. I am surely not ready to foster such punk offsprings. Hence, the 'stranger' character isn't quite the right move.

A rapid vehicle upgradation should boost my image considerably. This weekend, I went to my favourite mechanic and got the front brake lever installed. The indicators work occasionly. That should do. Do females notice scooter indicators ? Phuleeez ! The new rearview mirror has a fancy rectangular shape, a breakaway from the banal circular ones. The scooter wasn't given a wash to give it a cool natural look. But sadly, this overhaul hasn't improved things for me. I still feel incomplete.

I am ready to try the new brands too. The 'hassi' toothpaste Close-Up, Sugar-Free tablets for my office tea, 'DJ Doll' ringtones. Some of that advertising crap has got to be true...I hope..

Being quite naive regarding the greeting females-who march in-your office neighbourhood subject, I am struggling hard to find the best solution. Any suggestions ?


  1. sorry that i said it's nothing wodehousie...ya after i went thru the whole thing some wodeshouse like characters popped out...well good o luck

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. Going by your impeccable logic, ur children would definitely turn out to be a nuisance (oops have i said too much on the blog just in case ur children read it in the distant future????)..... And 'to abnegate' is to "restrain oneself from pleasure"... thinking about the female psyche(only psyche) isn't exactly pleasurable.

  4. how about walking up to her and striking up a conversation?? there's nothing that a woman appreciates more than a man with the gift of the gab and most importantly, the guts!

  5. Women do notice indicators of bikes (if they are blinking) and head lights too....:)..good luck

  6. Nice writing...hey what about a follow up? what happened then???

  7. She is not a materialistic girl; that's why she roams in search of the intangible.

    If scooters don't work, you may want to try meditation or brain waves instead of the hand waves...

    In the end, its one's own hand on one 's own ("you know what") back.

  8. Have you ever given a thought to her father and his danda (totally vegetarian approach - danda was wood at one point of time and wood is non non-veg) ... thats what I call "ghinastic"

    The word I am supposed to type for authentication is 'hosac' - probably a combo of hose and sac... how very cheap! and co-incidental.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mangalyaan: A Guide to countering Mangal Dosh via Lord Hanuman

#Mangalyaan was a great success , thanks to the countless hours spent by the ISRO scientists who made this happen. Reports state that they prayed to Lord Balaji (Source). To hedge their risks some of them might have also prayed to Lord Hanuman to counter Mangal Dosh (Mars ill-effect) . This Hanuman prayer for protection from Mars may have helped the team enter the orbit of Mars; the jury is out on that one. Speaking of Hanuman, in the recent past there was a bizarre incident regarding an Aadhaar UID which captured people's interest briefly. Let’s talk about that. If you suspect that this #mangalyaan introduction was just a thinly veiled segue to my dated post, you are right…

A few weeks ago we learnt that an Aadhar Card was issued for Lord Hanuman with a legitimate 12 digit ID (news link) The police eventually figured out that this regressive action was conceived by a progressive person named Vikas. His intentions for applying for a fake God ID were not malicious – but rather ste…

A Review of Indian Election Inspired Advertising

It's election season in India for the past few months and the topic has dominated online and offline discussions. And when elections are the central activity / attention of the nation, as a marketeer for FMCG brands, it's quite tempting to plan creatives around the topic during the season. Over late 2013 and 2014, we have seen at least 11 Indian brands which have developed dedicated commercials around the election theme. The categories have been quite diverse from noodles to electrical wires, telecom to vests. Given the marketing investment backing these campaigns, let's try to answer the obvious question: When does it make sense to plan an election themed advertising for your brand?
The role of advertising is to 1) Get a brand noticed and 2) Refresh and improve brand association using distinctive cues. This grows brand mental salience for the consumer and hopefully then grows market share! (source). In addition to the usual advertising principles (where we assess the cre…

I'm sorry, What's your name?

I admit that we Indians do look alike. I have elaborated about this earlier, and it's a fact I've come to accept. Till recently I also had a strong belief, that once you got to know us Indians, viewed our facebook profiles, talked to us, understood our problems - you would begin to view us as distinct individuals.

All that changed yesterday.

I stood there at 4pm, fretting in front of Bread Talk, waiting for Varun. The poor guy was dragging his holiday suitcase all the way to Novena Bread Talk to pick up my house key. (Varun is the other guy in the picture - the one on the left. Yes we are not twins). Since I couldn't reach him by phone, we both could only rely on gross miscommunication for aligning on the venue and time.

Varun didn't show up for 5min. And I had an equally important chai break to attend. So right then it struck me that a standard movie ticket procedure could also work at Bread Talk.

So I went to the Bread Talk counter and waited. "Welcommmmme", al…