Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Male Fantasy - Oo La La!

No Intro. No Lies. All truth. Here Goes :
There is this female (who can also be called a lady), who I pass by every day. This bandi (noname.001) marches within the confines of her plot every evening around 6:30p.m. She is young, fair, short, cat-eyed, possibly panju. I eye her from the corner of my eye as she purposefully struts from one corner to the other. Although she isn't the cynosure, she does occupy my mind for those few seconds (minutes) as I pass by her house. Diverting from the crux of the article, I think the walk itself deserves a few lines. She isn't rambling. It isn't a leisured stroll. Instead, she marches towards each respective corner with great ferocity. Driving by everyday and delibrately NOT retarding, I have not been able to decipher her exact expression. I am sure she displays a countenance of sound determination.

I am curious. I know - female, opposite sex, attraction, sex...yada yada yada... I am ready to abnegate all that. She intrigues me (like many pretty females). I wouldn't mind halting near that formidable corner gate and yell out, "Aur ji, kya chal raha hai ?" ( "Whats up ?" is too foreign and "Ki Holo ?" is too Bengali). It requires a great amount of courage and some seeds of stupidity to show genuine interest in someone who marches with such purposefulness. The latter I cultivate in great quantity, while the former I am ready to purchase from China. Just what would be the best way to broach the subject ?

An Ice-cream would be perfect. Not too personal, not too time-consuming. Quite friendly for the common amm...light walleted individual. Maybe a platonic hand-wave would serve as an ice-breaker (in case any of it exists in the sultry Delhi weather). But what kind of a nut-case wearing a crooked helmet and riding a non-Pulsar vehicle greets a stranger ? A false enquiry from an allegedly lost stranger would surely gain the interest of the subject. But sadly, our conversation will limit itself within the boundaries of Nirman Vihar. Our chats many years later would gently revolve around Delhi and its housing settlements. While I may enjoy the repartee as an aspiring architect, once in a while I might long for other delightful discussions. And what about my (our) kids ? Would they sustain the same respect for their father, when they hear the lame incident resulting in the holy matrimony of their parents ? Surely, such kids devoid of love and regard for their parents would grow up to be criminals of great nuisance. I am surely not ready to foster such punk offsprings. Hence, the 'stranger' character isn't quite the right move.

A rapid vehicle upgradation should boost my image considerably. This weekend, I went to my favourite mechanic and got the front brake lever installed. The indicators work occasionly. That should do. Do females notice scooter indicators ? Phuleeez ! The new rearview mirror has a fancy rectangular shape, a breakaway from the banal circular ones. The scooter wasn't given a wash to give it a cool natural look. But sadly, this overhaul hasn't improved things for me. I still feel incomplete.

I am ready to try the new brands too. The 'hassi' toothpaste Close-Up, Sugar-Free tablets for my office tea, 'DJ Doll' ringtones. Some of that advertising crap has got to be true...I hope..

Being quite naive regarding the greeting females-who march in-your office neighbourhood subject, I am struggling hard to find the best solution. Any suggestions ?

8 comments:

  1. sorry that i said it's nothing wodehousie...ya after i went thru the whole thing some wodeshouse like characters popped out...well good going...best o luck

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  3. Going by your impeccable logic, ur children would definitely turn out to be a nuisance (oops have i said too much on the blog just in case ur children read it in the distant future????)..... And 'to abnegate' is to "restrain oneself from pleasure"... thinking about the female psyche(only psyche) isn't exactly pleasurable.

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  4. how about walking up to her and striking up a conversation?? there's nothing that a woman appreciates more than a man with the gift of the gab and most importantly, the guts!

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  5. Women do notice indicators of bikes (if they are blinking) and head lights too....:)..good luck

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  6. Nice writing...hey what about a follow up? what happened then???

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  7. She is not a materialistic girl; that's why she roams in search of the intangible.

    If scooters don't work, you may want to try meditation or brain waves instead of the hand waves...

    In the end, its one's own hand on one 's own ("you know what") back.

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  8. Have you ever given a thought to her father and his danda (totally vegetarian approach - danda was wood at one point of time and wood is non non-veg) ... thats what I call "ghinastic"

    The word I am supposed to type for authentication is 'hosac' - probably a combo of hose and sac... how very cheap! and co-incidental.

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